The other day I turned around from doing paperwork to see Natalie, marker in hand, coloring on my list. Marking up… well, anything…. is one of my hot buttons. I like clean, neat, orderly papers and books.
So when I saw what she was doing I immediately said, “Natalie! What are you doing?” I didn’t really yell, but I did raise my voice and I did sound upset.
She turned with big eyes stopping mid-star….
I continued, “Why are you writing on mommy’s list? You know I don’t like my stuff written on.”
She never said a word, she just capped her marker and looked at me. Sad. Overwhelmed. Her eyes filling with tears but not spilling over.
(And now my eyes are filled with tears as I write.)
She didn’t know. She wasn’t being malicious. In fact, she must’ve been trying to help because her normal response would be to say, ‘Sorry, mommy’ in a matter-of-fact tone. Or ‘Yes, mommy.’ But not silence. Not sadness.
My heart immediately caved and I said softly, “Natalie, I’m sorry for getting so upset. It’s okay. Come here and give me a hug.”
“No.” she said sadly.
“Come on. I’ll hug you.” I said.
“No.” she said and ran to her room crying and screaming, “I don’t want to go on a play date, I don’t want to leave my room. I’m never coming out again.”
I followed her. We talked. Well, I talked. I told her I loved her. She didn’t have to go on a play date, but that I would really like to spend time with her outside of her room. I hugged her and rubbed her back and told her I knew she didn’t mean to upset me. Then I gave her space.
Back to my work with a heavy heart.
A few minutes later I looked down and this was on top of my work pile:
I’m not sure why it’s backwards, but it was a replacement for what she messed up.
I went and found her playing. I hugged her and said, “I found my new list. I really like it. Thank you for making mommy a nice, new list.”
She smiled. Hugged me. Looked embarrassed.
But she felt better. I could tell. And I’m hoping I didn’t traumatize her.
Comments (5)
Oh my! Kids do have a way of making moms feel like the BIGGEST heels on earth, don’t they?
I am well acquainted with the feeling. With knowing I overreacted. With apologizing. With promising myself to do better-to look beyond the act to the motive.
I think we moms have all been there. Don’t beat yourself up. All that matters is you repaired the breach with your daughter. I think she’ll have forgotten all about it long before you will.
I think you are a superb mom doing the best you can. God is with you.
Priceless! Was Natalie looking at your list in a mirror from her room? That could explain it being backwards.
Oh that made me cry! What a sweet child she is and what a very normal mommy you are… well at least in my neat and tidy brained world! I make the same mistake over and over again and have to work hard to remember to keep perspective on their level and not mine and more importantly with Christ’s help! Thank the Lord for his grace each day and each moment sometimes, right?
Bless her heart. She tried to make everything right again. That was so sweet! She is going to grow up caring about others. Your doing a good job mom.
uh, that is SO something i would do. you handled it beautifully.