Hello 2015!

I’m glad to say goodbye to 2014. Arrivederci. Auf Wiedersehen. Ciao.

2014 was one of the hardest years of my entire life. For a few months there it rivaled the year I spent going back and forth to the hospital watching Ryan fight for his life. I was an emotional wreck.

I’m happy to say I’m coming out of the dark. Gloria Estafan would be proud.

During the saga with Ryan I learned a ton about God. Amidst all the emotional craziness recently, He showed me a ton about myself.

I learned that I feel responsible for my kids’ and husband’s sense of emotional comfort. I hate to see them uncomfortable and was taking on the responsibility of protecting their emotions. Now, my focus is allowing them to feel disappointment and sadness and sitting there with them. Being a fellow feeler and not trying to “fix” their feelings. It helps to take a step back and ask if what’s happening is hurting them or harming them. (Thank you, Boundaries crew! For details, click here and here.)

I’m learning to ask Why? My first instinct is to Do…. I’m trying to slow down and ask why someone (including myself) feels a certain way… when we ask why we often find hidden feelings of fear and insecurity. Validating these feelings and talking them through is often the first step in “solving” the problem. Often humans feel.think.do. It happens so fast for many people they don’t know why they think what they think or do what they do. Asking why can take you back to the “feel” part and put you on the path toward growth and healing.

I learned that I have leaned in a little too far in relation to my family and lost a little of myself in the process. Although I’m too young for a mid-life crises, eh-em, I had one. And while I’m still sorting out who I am and who I want to be, I feel there’s been some clarity in the last few weeks.

I learned that I take myself a little too seriously. That I’m afraid to make a fool out of myself, embarrass myself, not be good at something, or seriously fail. Of all the things I refuse to be chained down by this year (a goal of exercising every day, eating no sugar, organizing and purging my entire house, and all the other wonderful, lofty goals that are out there) I also refuse to be chained down to IMAGE. That is, my own image. I will try new things this year, in public. I will state goals and dreams out loud. I’m starting small. Here you go…. the things I will keep because they are me:

I love writing.

I love mentoring girls and women.

I love being a mom and wife.

These things will continue, but maybe in a different way. You will see less of me blogging – can it be? Not less than the last few months, but less than the last few years. With a one-year old and 3 older hobbits, I’m finding it increasingly difficult to write here every single day. So I’m shooting for once a week, maybe even once every 10 days so I can focus on the writing that’s important to me…. more books? more articles? Hopefully.

I can’t give the blog up completely. I’ve formed such great relationships here in the last six years that I don’t want to end. I look forward to hearing back from you guys in the form of comments and emails (Linda, Lisa, Becky, Courtney, Lizz, and on and on). I can’t bear to close this little space in the world. You are part of my community. I hope we are still part of yours.

So that you don’t have to keep checking back here every day, I encourage you to subscribe to my blog. This helps you save time, and it helps me show publishers and editors that people are interested in what I have to say. It’s a win-win for everyone! So subscribe. Now!

I also joined Instagram. Because I’m trying to be hip and cool. You can find me there (leighannmarquiss) and of course, I’m on Facebook (Leighann Marquiss) and Twitter (@LeighannMarquis). I warn you, I don’t really Tweet, but hey, maybe I’ll start.

What are you incorporating in 2015 that you learned last year?