Okay, that’s one long title but I feel it’s the best one for my topic. Today I want to tackle the question of organizing when your child is a collector.
First, I am not a collector. Of things anyway. I am a collector of people… I love friends. And stories… I love documenting and reading. But when it comes to things, I am the opposite of a collector. I am a thrower-awayer of things. Is that a term?
There is a story Henry loves to tell about my issues with clutter. I clean out our closets every year of the things we haven’t worn that year. In with the new, out with the old. That’s my motto.
One year in late December, I was holding up Henry’s clothing items while he said yes or no. I held up a golf shirt and he said, “yes”. I said, “You don’t ever wear this” and threw it in the donate pile. “I just wore that yesterday!” He said, a little shocked. “You did.” I said. “But only because there was nothing else was clean. You wouldn’t have worn it otherwise.” It stayed in the donate pile. Now he jokes I’m so focused on decluttering that I throw away his clothes.
All of that to say, I’m big on getting rid of things we no longer use.
Which brings me to the today’s topic. What do you do if you’re not a collector, but your child is? I am embarrassed to say I used to simply get rid of stuff. I’d throw away papers, old projects, pictures, etc. … things I considered used up and unimportant. I’d donate toys and stuffed animals I thought Natalie was done with. I did this unabashedly until one day Natalie was looking for a picture she’d colored and said, “You threw it away, didn’t you?”
It wasn’t an accusing tone or even a mean one, just a matter of fact ‘I left it on the floor so it got thrown away’ one. It gave me pause. I don’t want my children remembering me as the mother who threw away their belongings because I didn’t care. From that day, I ask before throwing things away. And, even more importantly, I started considering who Natalie is, the things she likes collecting, and how I can teach her to be organized while collecting things. Here are my top suggestions for collections and kids:
1. Understand what is important to your little collector.
My collector needs a spot for papers. She used to keep boxes (and I mean boxes!) of paper in her room. They were all colored on, or stickered up, or junk mail. I taught her to purge and file.
(Ignore the crayon-drawing on the table top and focus on the organizer, please. Thank you.) Here is a solid wood organizer I found at a yard sale for $5. It has a place for files, compartments for pens and accessories, and drawers for small items. It works great for all the little notes and papers (and junk mail) Natalie wants to keep. When I find one of her many love notes on the floor, I simply ask her to file it. Done. It works beautifully.
2. Understand her process and limitations.
For girls, dress-up clothes are a part of growing up. There are numerous systems for dress-up clothes out there. This system comes from my friend, Joellyn. (Hi, Joellyn!) It’s by far the best idea I’ve heard and I’ve tried several.
A vertical shoe organizer works wonders on a dress collection. The best thing about it is the kids can find what they need quickly (instead of rooting through a trunk), can put them away easily (instead of hanging them somewhere), and it takes up very little space. I used to think about hanging up or actually clean up play dresses daily. Since implementing Joellyn’s idea, stress over the dresses disappeared. Look at your child’s collections… knowing how they use the items and the care requirements can help you think outside the box to find an organizational solution.
3. Use bins, but use them wisely.
Natalie’s room used to be full of clear bins each holding a collection. Instead of making the room appear organized, the bins made the room look cluttered. Taking bins and grouping them together, like the shelf below does, the room becomes more streamlined and organized.
4. Involve your child in the process.
We now declutter as a team. This does several things. One, it establishes a trust that I’m not going to get rid of their favorite things. It tells them I value who they are and what is important to them. Because of this, there isn’t anxiety related to the process.
Secondly, it teaches them how to let go of things. Many collectors become emotionally connected to things for one reason or another. Teaching a collector how to figure out what is valuable (to them) and what is being held on to out fear or worry is a life-long skill.
Lastly, it teaches them the value of passing things on. When we purge, we talk about how these things we are done with have a lot of use still and can be used by someone else. We talk about if there is a cousin or friend who might like to have it, or how it can benefit a charity (including how thrift shops use their earnings). This gets the collector thinking on a global level with a heart of generosity.
When you eliminate your children from the process, you rob them of all of these things.
5. Understand they will never be you.
I think the biggest thing to realize is we aren’t called to make our children into a miniature picture of ourself. We are called to make them into the best them they can be. It would be wrong for me to try to take the collector out of Natalie. It would frustrate and belittle who God made her to be. Instead, I must realize she will always want to line her toys along her shelf and keep papers I think are trash. Sometimes the solution to my frustration is accepting her for who she is and realizing in the scheme of eternity, if her room is full of lined up ponies, it’s not the end of the world.
What organization tips do you use with your collector?
(c) 2016 Leighann Marquiss
Comments (5)
Great post! I have also struggled with getting rid of my childrens’ things without their knowing it! There have only been a few instances when they realized I had thrown something away and they were upset. However a few instances of upsetting them over something like clutter is too many in my book. I still go through all their “paperwork” and throw the trash away. My daughter (10) especially likes to save trash. And I mean trash as in candy wrappers, small pieces of paper that she cut up, etc. It drives me crazy because she says she is keeping it to make something but she never actually uses it! Now I include my kids in the process of going through their “junk”. We discuss it and I am proud to say that I do “give in” a lot more frequently now if they really want to keep something. I like to collect stuff too so I can’t really tell them they are in the wrong now can I? I hate clutter but I also hate to get rid of their art work or school work. I had 10 paper boxes of their school work that I brought down to 2!! I mean really who needs to save ALL the school work? Most of it is just worksheets anyway! Thankfully as they get older they have much less treasureable work so it is not as hard to throw away! 🙂
Oh man, this post spoke to me!! I am a “purger” as well…and my 2 girls are NOT. I am going to have to try implementing some of your ideas…right now their rooms do not seem to stay clean for more than one day at a time–SOOOO frustrating!
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Fantastic post Leighann; I am a collector, but I like tidy collections not messy ones!
This is really helpful for helping your little ones in practicing tidiness & practical collecting. Now I just have to wait and see if my first is a collector or a purger!
xox,
bonita of Depict This!
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A friend of mine passed along your blog to me because this has been a big topic in my house. My 5 year old son loves to collect things. Bins and bins of paper airplanes, boxes and boxes of “special things” he has collected in the last 3 years. Recently, it has started to drive me crazy! I have secretly thrown away hundreds of paper airplanes and have felt quite guilty about it. I like the idea of having him help me go through the bins in his room to decide what to purge. I think that would help him with realizing you don’t need to save everything and it would also help with not having to carry the burden of throwing away his precious things. Thanks for the great post!
Tracy – glad you commented. Let me know how it goes!