I still can’t figure myself out. I know I’ve posted before about not really liking the new me. but really, I’ll have days where I am punching a list like nobody’s business and then the very next day not feel like getting out of my pajamas. What’s that all about?
It’s like I’m two different people. Occasionally I let myself have a day off, but most times when I don’t want to get out of my pjs, I don’t have time to stop. So I force myself through the list, but the hours are the longest hours of my life. The day doesn’t end…. like forever. And sometimes, I stay in my pjs but still do my list, like the day I planted pansies in my sweats and t-shirt that I slept in the night before. All I did was put on shoes. No lie. My poor neighbors. But at least we have pansies now. (And good thing for them my pjs were sweats and a t-shirt.)
And those days are incredibly frustrating for a project-oriented person. Incredibly frustrating when there is a ton to be done and you have to let go of a project or two. Let go of a project? Who has ever heard of such a thing? . . . Let go . . . Yeah, I’m not good at that. Certainly better than I used to be, but wow, not sure about giving up the list. The list is how I feel in control.
And even though I’ve covered control being an illusion and unmet expectations – it is still a daily struggle for me to let go of wanting to complete more than humanly possible and relying on a list to do so.
And I’d like to say I have an answer and could tie this post up with a neat, red bow, but I don’t and can’t. I cannot explain my Dr. Jekyll and Mrs Hyde phenomenon that repeats itself more times than I care to admit in my household. But I’m praying like mad that God will show me how to do this. And rely on Him. And seek His agenda not my own.
The end.
Comments (10)
Leighann…I think you have had…and do have, more stress than many gals your age…and you have been through so much in the last couple of years. Even though you are young and healthy…and ambitious etc….a person can only handle so much.
Don’t worry about the days when you stay in your PJ’s and feel like you just can’t punch through your long list of things to accomplish…just take one thing at a time and let it be…for awhile.
Ok…that’s Momma Linda’s advice. Ha! I think you are amazing…and I know that you deserve a ton of credit for keeping it all together through times that were so hard.
You have a precious family…and so many blessings! Among them is our precious little Ryan. He is worth every minute of every effort Amen? (:>) And those darling girls and your giant of a husband are too.
But…YOU are precious to them…and to God…and to all of us….and YOU deserve times of rest and relaxation. Times to re-group and times to plant pansies in your pajamas if that’s what you want to do.
Everyone has their “off days”…even 60 yr. old ladies like me, who don’t chase little kiddos around all day…but who just doesn’t have the zest for life and the energy that I used to have. Ha Somedays I stay in my PJ’s until I go out somewhere. And some days I don’t go out…so what does that tell ya? Ha!
Goals and standards are good…but some days ya just have to let them go…and just rest.
Ok…that’s enough from me. But I do want to say that God has put you and your family in my heart and I pray for you guys all the time with my husband John.
Love you,
Linda
I heard this yesterday and just have the feeling that you need it today:
“we say we want God to be our shepherd; but we really don’t want to be as helpless as sheep”…..just ask your shepherd what He wants you to accomplish today. I think the knowledge that you’ve done His will will overcome your “feelings”.
Thanks for sharing your heart, I remember today things you wrote long ago which means something to me.
Leighann, First let me say I think you do an OUTSTANDING job getting done what all you do! Your a beautiful child of God and I assure you that when he looks down from heaven above he “SMILES”!
I made a choice a long time ago to take five minutes in the morning to do the following:
1. Brush Teeth
2. Brush and pull my hair into a pony tail (then no bothering with it the rest of the day)
3. Put at the very least, a little powder, blush, tiny bit of eye liner and some mascara.
Five minutes, really! Only Five minutes! Then every time you walk by a mirror you will see a pretty face and kept hair looking back at you. Amazing what a difference it makes!!
Dearest Leighann, You are beautiful inside and out! God sees that and is smiling right now as He hears you cry out. It’s okay and like the others have said, don’t worry about the days you stay in your PJ’s. In the Bible, God wrote “Come to me those who are weary and I will give you rest…” and one of my favorites “but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” -Isaiah 40:31.
You have done an amazing job so far being a sister, a friend, a mother, a wife and you are precious to many. God sees that and blesses you for that and will continue to bless you and is there for you EVERY step of the way! He CHOOSE YOU and He loves you even in your PJ’s! :o) Love you!
another thought! this is one of my favorite life time verses maybe something you may or want to write on a notecard and stick it on your bathroom wall when you go in every morning and read it every morning as a sweet reminder of God’s love.. “Trust in the Lord with all of YOUR heart Lean NOT on your OWN understanding but in ALL ways Acknowledge HIM & He shall direct your paths” Proverbs 3:5-6
another thought! this is one of my favorite life time verses maybe something you may or want to write on a notecard and stick it on your bathroom wall when you go in every morning and read it every morning as a sweet reminder of God’s love.. “Trust in the Lord with all of YOUR heart Lean NOT on your OWN understanding but in ALL ways Acknowledge HIM & He shall direct your paths” Proverbs 3:5-6
Staying in PJ’s is good for the soul! Don’t fret. I am a list person too, so on the days when you want to wear your PJ’s all day, just have all your to-do’s be inside the house. That way you will still feel like things are being accomplished AND you get to stay in your PJ’s.
ah, yes. how we love to be in control, huh?? i have no good answers. i’m right there with you, sister. BUT, i also know He’s right there with you. loving you, holding you, guiding you.
love what kim said about the sheep…hmm…
Oh Leighann, I have many days that I feel like that too, and it’s just so hard. Not that I “know” you by any means, but being a work at home mom to 3 kids (one a heart baby) has to mean you get a day (or a few) in your pjs here or there. Keeping it all together and going is hard and I only have one daughter and work. I do have a great husband that helps too though. Thanks so much for your honesty and helping to make me feel not so alone 😉
Welcome to the Club! 🙂
Enjoy this video in the mean time….
http://vimeo.com/11621957
Kelly