The two lenses that changed my world

November 7, 2014/Marriage

Photo Flickr Creative Commons Tim

This past summer I heard a man speak on the two lenses he’s used in his counseling practice for years. He spoke about looking at people through a pair of glasses. The lens on the left he uses to see “what their deepest need is.” In other words, what are they crying out for (attention, love, acceptance, intimacy, etc). With the other lens, he looks at “their strategy to get that need met” (porn, adultery, shopping, eating, bullying, accomplishments, etc). He then can bring the two together and help the individual find a better strategy for getting their needs met.

He explained that many of us have deep rooted desires that go unmet, which lead us to searching for a way to fill the void. Most of us don’t stop long enough to ask ourselves what we’re really seeking and instead apply strategies that not only can be hurtful to others or ourselves, but will never be able to fulfill our desire anyway.

I’ve been applying this two-lens approach on an almost daily basis when looking at the behavior of those around me – including myself! I learned several years ago not to take things personally when someone’s acting out, but this has taken me to a whole new level of actually having compassion on them in the process. Try it and let me know what you think!

Comments (1)

  • Lisa / November 7, 2014 / Reply

    I like that approach, it totally makes sense. I have been called a people pleaser by a few of my church friends and they almost made is sound like it was a bad thing. Too me its not, I like to help, I like to make others feel good about themselves and have no problem lifting them up with edifying words and I do mean each and every word I say. You never really know when that one person needs those words to be a blam to their heart, I also think most of what I say is when the Lord nudges me.

    Unmet desires now thats a thinker, my flesh can fill a note book on that one.. Great post

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