I feel a submission post coming on, but I’m not sure which issue to address first. So, I thought I’d let you way in on the subject. Got a question or struggle when it comes to the topic of submission? Put it in the comment section… I’ll take a look and see where I want to go first.
For review, we’ve talked about submissions being:
1) A picture of Christ and the church
2) Unique to individual marriages (the way you submit will reflect the style of your husband)
3) For all situations, in all marriages (with abuse caveats)
(c) 2016 Leighann Marquiss
Comments (10)
Maybe this isn’t exactly a submission issue, but I definitely feel like it’s related…I’m hoping for some insight as to how to handle it: my husband (of 1 year) and I are STILL searching for a church to get plugged into and be involved with. I’ve been trying my best to let him lead and make the decisions (with my input) as to where to visit, attend, etc. Part of me is so frustrated that my husband seems to “drag his feet” and be reluctant to make the decisions. I want to let him lead us in this area (and spiritually, as a whole), but at what point do I step up and take charge if he isn’t? How long do I wait (and be submissive) while I am starving for corporate worship/the Word/fellowship/ministry? We’ve discussed it in depth, and he knows it is his responsibility to lead us, but he just struggles with actually “doing it”.
I have problems with the fear of submitting to my husband. I really really want to and I try daily. I think my fear stems from my husband not growing up in a strong Christian lifestyle. It wasn’t until we got together that he started attending church and wanted to be baptized. He was on fire for a while and did an awsome job leading our family. Due to a lot of challenges and stress he has really become lost. He doesn’t have that fire anymore, I think he wants it but doesn’t know how to start. It scares me to let go of controling our family’s direction because I desire to have a family closely knit with God. I fear letting go and letting God take control. I know He can do it and change my husband’s drive and fire. I know my husband can be the man God has called him to be and to lead our family. I just don’t know how to let go…
I was sent this in an email and loved it. It’s an excerpt written by Max Lucado from his book “A Love Worth Giving”. It is simply beautiful. Now THAT is the way a man is to love his wife. As Christ loved the church. The funny (well, not haha funny) thing is, Christ is a servant to us, his bride, even though He is our head. Not that I am saying a man should cater to his wife-I think they should both pull the load, but alot men look at leadership as a way to boss their wives around so they can have THEIR own way.
He always knocks before entering. He doesn’t have to. He owns your heart. If anyone has the right to barge in, Christ does. But he doesn’t. That gentle tap you hear? It’s Christ. “Behold, I stand at the door and knock” (Rev. 3:20 NASB). And when you answer, he awaits your invitation to cross the threshold.
And when he enters, he always brings a gift. Some bring Chianti and daisies. Christ brings “the gift of the Holy Spirit” (Acts 2:38). And, as he stays, he serves. “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve” (Mark 10:45 NIV). If you’re missing your apron, you’ll find it on him. He’s serving the guests as they sit (John 13:4–5). He won’t eat until he’s offered thanks, and he won’t leave until the leftovers are put away (Matt. 14:19–20).
He is courteous enough to tell you his name (Exod. 3:15) and to call you by yours (John 10:3). And when you talk, he never interrupts. He listens.
He is even on time. Never late. Never early. If you’re checking your watch, it’s because you’re on a different itinerary. “There is a time for everything” (Eccles. 3:1). And Christ stays on schedule.
He even opens doors for you. Paul could preach at Troas because “the Lord had opened a door” (2 Cor. 2:12 NIV). When I asked my dad why men should open doors for women, his answer was one word: “respect.” Christ must have abundant respect for you.
He knocks before he enters. He always brings a gift. Food is served. The table is cleared. Thanks are offered. He knows your name and tells you his, and here is one more.
He pulls out the chair for you. “He raised us up with Christ and gave us a seat with him in the heavens” (Eph. 2:6).
My wife has a heart for single moms. She loves to include a widow or divorcée at the table when we go to a restaurant. Through the years I’ve noticed a common appreciation from them. They love it when I pull out their chair. More than once they have specifically thanked me. One mom in particular comes to mind. “My,” she blushed, brushing the sudden moisture from her eye, “it’s been a while since anyone did that.”
Has it been a while for you as well? People can be so rude. We snatch parking places. We forget names. We interrupt. We fail to show up. Could you use some courtesy? Has it been a while since someone pulled out your chair?
Then let Jesus. Don’t hurry through this thought. Receive the courtesy of Christ. He’s your groom. Does not the groom cherish the bride? Respect the bride? Honor the bride? Let Christ do what he longs to do.
For as you receive his love, you’ll find it easier to give yours. As you reflect on his courtesy to you, you’ll be likely to offer the same.
From A Love Worth Giving
Copyright (Thomas Nelson, 2002)
Max Lucado
To Christy, I’ve heard it said in the church that if the man won’t take the spiritual leader role in the family, that it then becomes his wife’s responsibility until he is willing to do so. My understanding is, if he won’t read the Bible with them, pray with them, attend church with them etc, then it is now your responsiblity to do so. Someone MUST take that responsibility. Children don’t wait till the man gets his head together. They’ll be grown and gone and then it’ll be too late. My opinion is (and only my opinion) that you shouldn’t let go of the spiritual reins of that “horse” until your husband is willing and able to take them over himself. If you were in a horse and carriage with your family and your husband refused to take the reins to keep the horse on track, wouldn’t you take them to to keep your family from possibly being killed or led down the wrong path? I know, that is a silly analogy but it’s the best I could come up with on the spare of the moment! ha
A very excellent and anointed book on the picture of marriage is Becoming a Woman Who Pleases God by Pat Ennis and Lisa Tatlock. As a grandmother and older woman, it’s a book I wish I could hand out to every young woman, single or married and have her read it. It will bless and encourage you.
Leighann, I pray for your family and your little guy from a grandmother’s perspective of having been where your mother and mother in law are.
Love, Jean Myers
I’ve been thinking a lot the last few days of the feminist world view that “men are stupid and women are so much smarter, and aren’t they lucky they have us to save them from themselves”.
In this world view, it is abuse for a woman to submit to a man, but a man who doesn’t submit to his woman is looked upon as stupid and idiotic.
You hear women say all the time that they would never let their husband ________ but if you suggest that she seek her husbands opinion about anything no matter how big or small you will be mocked and demeaned. These do not want marriage, or any relationship, to be a two way street.
Submission is two things: an act of obedience to God, and an act of respect for our husbands. We honor and respect our husbands when we include him.
Why is it so rediculous to think that any decision we make that affects our husband should include him? When it comes to the clothes we wear, the way we style our hair, whether or not we wear makeup, etc… why is it so outrageous to think our husbands should have a say in these things? Who are we trying to be attractive and pleasing for? If not for our husbands than we’ve got a much much bigger problem than submission!!!
I can’t decide if I am more saddened or angered by how much this world view has permeated the body of Christ and become normal and acceptable. It’s all about me me me… what I want and what makes me feel good. No one seems to care anymore about what God thinks about it, or what damages we are doing to our marriages by demanding our own way.
[/soapbox]
P.S. I am VERY VERY VERY against the Pearl’s teachings on most everything. HOWEVER, I have found Debi Pearl’s book Created To Be His Helpmeet to be a HUGE blessing in my life!
One more thing, for you ladies who are struggling with lead dogs who wont hunt… a wise older woman at church often says that for years she used to beg God to make her husband be this and do that (all the spiritual things a godly husband is supposed to be and do), but she realized she was still being controlling. She says it wasn’t until she started asking God to make her husband into who HE (God) wanted him to be that the changes started happening. It can’t be because it’s what you want or need for you or your children – your motivation has to be about what God wants your husband to be. And submission to God means that you will welcome that in whatever form it comes, because it probably wont look like you think it should.
I’ll shut up and go to bed now. 😉
Mel (Mothergoose to the rest of you)
Created to be His Helpmeet and Love and Respect often crop up at our book club discussions. lol Some women have really negative reactions to those books, but I love them.
PS Leighann we should read another book for book club soon!
May I suggest the Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands… LOL LOL LOL (No honestly, I loved that one too!!!)