You may remember Ryan had a cold back in December that landed him in the hospital. He had it through the second week in January. Then he was better for a week. I began dreaming of going to the Y and sleeping through the night again.
Yeah. Never happened. Within a few days of being well, Ryan started coughing again. And waking up every hour in the night. And generally being cranky.
I stuck out my stiff upper lip and trudged on. Trudged on is a slight overstatement being that we didn’t go anywhere. So maybe we really trudged in place. You get the idea.
Mid-week last week Ryan got puffy again in the mornings… an understatement as documented by this photo:
He’s awake, his eyes are open, they just aren’t open. Know what I mean?
Each morning the girls would ooh and aww over him saying, “Poor boy, he can’t open his eyes.” “Poor baby.” Ains would rub his face while he sat in his chair waiting for breakfast. Then after a few minutes… five or ten… his eyes would open a crack…. “He opened his eyes!” one of them would exclaim. “He can see!” they’d chorus.
There’s something so sad about watching your child struggle. I felt the sadness creep into my heart last week and by the weekend, I was on edge…overwhelmed with the reality that this is our life. Ryan’s heart defect… no matter how stable he is, is not going away. Robert Frost romanticizes the road less traveled, but I’ll tell you what, our less traveled road sucks. It’s one I’d gladly jump off of with my son in tow in a heartbeat.
I wasn’t sure quite what had stolen in my heart… to tell the truth I was up and down, on the verge of tears at every turn, patience-thin, and sensitive to every single thing I was NOT providing for my children…. it wasn’t until Ryan woke up Monday morning looking somewhat normal that I realized it’s source. That and the sun was shining. The sun always makes things better.
It’s a reminder to me how much I’ve taken Ryan’s ‘health’ for granted. He generally so chipper and stable I forget what it’s like to be the mother of a sick child. This is the second year he’s been sickly in January/February so we may be setting a trend. One I need to be aware of and look for, and psyche myself up for.
For now, I’ll be thankful that Ryan’s face is it’s normal size, he’s singing and beating on tables like they’re drums, and back to his smiley self.
(c) 2016 Leighann Marquiss
Comments (12)
Leighann…I am so sorry for your less traveled road. It must be really hard. I know you have to be very tired (just from worry, never mind lack of sleep), but your joy for life, your kids, your husband and your family always shines through your words. I hope Ryan’s beautiful face will not be puffy again anytime soon and your mama’s heart can rest a little easier. And your girls are so sweet to their little brother…now that is a wonderful gift!
Oh Leighann…that IS so sad that Ryan swells like that, and that he has been so sick. I know it is hard on him…and on all of you too. I will be praying.
Our Anna didn’t have a spleen, and with her heart issues they always said to be so careful that she wasn’t exposed to illness because she really didn’t have an immune system. And that is so hard to do.
But then too, ya have to live your life and try to make everyday life as normal as ya can. And on the good days we would all forget that Anna had issues.
Life is for living…and we all thank God for the “sun~shiny days”! I am praying for those for you and for our boy! He is such a sweetie…and so is his mommy!
Glad he is doing better.
Love you and those Hobbits!
Linda
Spoon thankful you and Ryan are doing better. You are admired and loved deeply!!!
Ugh! You do an amazing job trucking from what I see on here! Hang in there. I’d say next Jan Feb (homeschool the kids) pack it up to an island far far away.. and come back in March.
You think Henry would go for that?
Ha…meant sooooo thankful.
Love you (not in a weird stalker way LOL)
Lifing you guys up in prayer. Happy to know Mr. Ryan is feeling good today.
aww poor boy and poor mama
Sounds like you need a girls day out to pamper yourself for a few hours. Your doing an amazing job with everything on your plate but a girl needs some Me Time. Take time to take care of yourself also!!
oh man hang in there! praying for your inner acceptance of this hard lot in life and incredible strength to deal with it. we may not know why we are handed certain burdens, but we do know who to go to for strength.
like the suggestion of some me time. that’s very important. i always come back a better mom when i have had a few hours to go do something non-kid-related.
all the best from philadelphia!!
Truer words never spoken. It’s so painful to watch your child suffer, knowing that there is no real “getting over it” and there probably won’t be a day when ALL is well forever. Thus, every day that’s a good day is a great day and it’s all better when the sun shines. Bless you in your mothering. You are raising resilient and compassionate children – those two characteristics will take them far.
How did I not see this? Just looking at his face all swollen makes my stomach go all knotty… I can’t imagine how awful it made you feel.
The road less traveled is difficult and hard-but one that has been ordained from the hands of our loving Lord, as you know. And the strength we need to get by day to day, moment by moment, cannot come from our own strength, but only by our reliance on and trust in Him alone. The more difficult the road, the greater the glorious reason why the Lord choose the path He has laid out before each of us. He knows we will have hard, bad, difficult days, but through it all, He knows who He can entrust those type of days-weeks-months-and years to, that He may be glorified, even when we feel we are doing far from that.
In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus…a tough calling, yes, but as you know, one which will grow us, strengthen us, and make of us more for the Lord than we could have ever become on our own, without the trials coupled with His grace to see us through.
As I look back upon many years of my life and the deep dark painful long trial upon trials I was led through, I would not wish any of what I went through on my worst enemy, yet at the same time if given the opportunity, I would never go back and change a thing, because of the deep abiding relationship I grew to have with Him because of it all, as well as the changes He worked personally in me as well. The Lord will see you through, and you will come through as gold.
Blessings and prayers to you, especially as Ryan faces his upcoming surgery at the end of April.
2 Corinthians 4:17