I spoke about expectations a few months ago to a bunch of moms. I talked about how I’m naturally a planner and had big expectations for my child-rearing days. Big Plans. Four healthy children close in age, if you must know. I spoke of how my expectations were slapped in the face, punched in the stomach, and kicked out the window the day we were told Ryan would not live.
The hardest thing about Ryan’s diagnosis is managing my expectations. One knows what to expect with a healthy child. When your child is given any type of long-term diagnosis, expectations you always took for granted are stripped away one by one. Time lines for when the baby comes home from the hospital, when it will start smiling, cooing, rolling over, crawling, walking, talking… eating, for Pete’s sake! All of those expectations become vapors. Poof!
The things is, all of us have expectations. But somehow along the way, life happens. And most people don’t hear an audible voice or have something incredibly public happen to them. Trials are typically more quiet, and sometimes shameful or embarrassing. Ours just happened to take on a life of their own (literally) and be displayed in a way that was hard to hide.
The important thing is what you do with those disappointments. There are some who hold on to the expectation. Who are unwilling to be stripped like an onion down to the bare minimum and be okay to come up holding just the bulb. Instead, they look longingly at the spicy layers displayed in a mess on the floor. They don’t cry to grieve the loss of expectations, but from the bitterness of trying to grasp them in a closed hand. And it paralyzes them. They are unable to move forward and live in reality. And enjoy the blessings they do have, even in the midst of unmet expectations.
The reason I am able to hold my head high (most days!) and be upbeat is because the bar has been removed. The ‘normal’ things most parents hope and wish for are not even on the table for me. And most days, I am okay with that. I am joyous in what I do have. Because it is more than I was promised from the doctors. And I set my hope and expectations in the One who knows the plan anyway. The One who knew it all along. And that is a great place to be.
Ephesians 3:14 For this cause I go down on my knees before the Father, 15 From whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, 16 That in the wealth of his glory he would make you strong with power through his Spirit in your hearts; 17 So that Christ may have his place in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and based in love, 18 May have strength to see with all the saints how wide and long and high and deep it is, 19 And to have knowledge of the love of Christ which is outside all knowledge, so that you may be made complete as God himself is complete. 20 Now to him who is able to do in full measure more than all our desires or thoughts, through the power which is working in us.
Comments (12)
Thank you for this amazing post. He always knows exactly what we need…and through you He has given me what I needed to read right now 🙂 Thanks again! Theresa
Such a good post. I’m reading a book, Plan B by Pete Wilson, and it’s about exactly this. What do we do when God doesn’t show up how we thought He would. I’ve been contemplating lately how I deal with my dreams & expectations not necessarily playing out how I though they would, but still I rest in knowing that His plans for me are WAY BETTER than mine.
Thank you for sharing. I so totally get what you are saying. Having delt with my oldest son’s mental health issues its hard to grasp, he is not normal, he looks normal, but behind his kind eyes in a disturbed, viloent young man. Now reading your post about removing the bar the light buld moment goes off, I need to remove the bar. (He has not been living in our home the last 2 years since the younger children were not safe from his outbursts)
Wow this is exactly what I needed to read today-funny how God does that. I many times don’t read long posts but for some reason I knew I needed to read every word of this one. I love the verse you put at the bottom, I have copied and pasted it so I can read it everyday and know God has a plan and has always had a plan. In the last few months I have really had to step back and adjust my expectations for my life. It is a daily journey and I am not sure I will ever understand or be able to fully except where I am but I do know God is in control of every step.
Thanks you are a true inspiration to me.
Wonderful post, I loved the illustration you wrote about the onion.
your posts keep me going a lot of the time :)thanks for sharing your heart and being an open book. And thanks for showing that even in the worst of situtions God has everything under control. He did know from the beginning what was going to happen.
Leighann, Thank you for sharing this. Halfway of reading this I smiled and got teary-eyed. I’ve been dealing with anxiety/severe body spasms for the longest time. Since I’ve moved to MD I found new hope in the Lord and now am becoming closer in Christ and realizing that you’re right, life happens, but one thing I’m seeing now is God does not give you anything you can’t handle. He is always working through us, even through the toughest times what we do with our thinking determines our actions, sorta like how you mentioned it depends on what you do to deal with the disappointments.
Today is the day that I needed to read this – it’s the end of the work day but today I had a panic attack at work and your Mom helped me through it. I’m so blessed and grateful to have met her and your family! I’m so blessed to have a loving God who knows best and amazed how He uses people, having the knack of putting them in the right place and time. Be blessed dear one! :o) <3 you!
Great post, very inspiring.
beautiful post
Ahh, contentment, that elusive white elephant. Blessed you.
Thank you for this post. I really needed to read this right now.
I Just found your blog through my good friend Steph.
Such a great and timely post!
Sending prayers out for you and your family.
Giving God all the Glory,
Molly