Gender alert – this post deals with subjects of a feminine nature. Males should take caution in reading any further, especially if they don’t have children. Females without kids may want to take precaution as well. I am not responsible for you or your spouse not wanting children should they choose to read further.
Dear hubby and I took the kids to the local petting farm on Saturday. It was a great day and it felt good to be out relaxing. The first thing we did was feed the sheep. I hear sheep are near-sighted, stupid animals, but they seem so peaceful in the field. Ignorance is bliss, I suppose.
After the “yammies” (Ainsley’s word for sheep), we headed over to the small mammal barn. We looked in on calves, goats and pigs.
Can I be open for a moment without being judged – as much as I think sheep are cute and cuddly looking, I think pigs are the ugliest, stinkiest animals on the farm. Have you stood near a pig pen lately? The smell alone rivals that of a diaper pail. Yuck!
However, as I was standing next to the mother pig, judging her smell and thin hair over scaly pink flesh, I couldn’t help but notice her rather large milk glands. She had a small litter of piglets (is a pig litter called something else?) who were obviously still using their mother for nourishment. It was in that moment I was extremely grateful to not be a pig. (You know, because before this I never really thought about how great it is NOT to be a pig.)
This poor mother had four or five teats down each side of her body – ladies, that is eight (to be conservative) babies sucking the life out of your breast on a regular basis. I looked at her swollen breast and couldn’t help pity her – feel her pain – literally.
I watched as she snorted up her cornmeal, nosing her babies out of the bowl, them squealing in response. I thought – if I was feeding that many babies, I wouldn’t share my food either.
Leaving the mama pig, we moved on to watch the milking demonstration. My husband and children see something similar in their home every day, but were still excited to see it done on a cow.
We all sat in anticipation….the farmers announced the arrival of the jersey cow. She shuffled in and obediently walked to her special stall. “This here is a jersey cow. Jersey cows are known for having the creamiest milk of all cows. In fact, most ice cream is made from jersey milk.” Wow, I knew I liked the brown cows best for some reason.
He then went on to explain she was milked twice a day producing eight gallons of milk each day. The average jersey produces 10-12 gallons of milk a day. A gallon of milk weighs in at 8.2 pounds. ….zzziiipp…. rewind. I’m sorry? 8.2 pounds per gallon at 12 gallons a day. I don’t have a math degree, but I think that is 98.4 pounds of milk A DAY!
Ok, give me sec, I need to wrap my brain around that. If you want to take the time to read that again, I’ll wait for you to come back.
Ok, everyone back? Great. 98.4 freakin’ pounds of milk out of one cow? Now, I’m starting to feel for the cow too. I can’t imagine having 98.4 pounds of milk in my breast. The average jersey weighs 900 pounds. So, they are carrying around a little over 10 percent of their body weight in milk.
I weigh, eh-um, well, I haven’t weighed myself lately (I’m in denial), but let’s just say I don’t produce near a gallon of milk per day so less than 8.2 pounds per day. I would have to weigh 82 pounds and produce a gallon of milk to rival a jersey. AAGGGHHHH!
Ladies, if you have nursed you know…. when it is time to feed, you get warm (I actually sweat if I skip a feed or am late pumping), you get heavy, and it is painful at times. Can you imagine how hot, weighed down and in pain this poor cow is?
Ok, not only that, but they let all the kids who wanted to try, milk the cow. As I watched my two year old pinch the cow teat between her tiny index finger and thumb, I thought – “no way! I wouldn’t want to be that cow having someone pinch my teats. The only person touching these babies would be very experienced and have very, very soft hands.”
That is what I will leave you with…
Disclaimer continued:
If you are a male, read this post and you know me, or meet me on some random occasion, don’t ever bring up this post. I don’t want to know you read it. I don’t want to discuss teats or milk weight, or my weight for that matter. Just look me in the eye, smile, and talk about this post if you want me to know you are reading my blog. Thanks!
(c) 2016 Leighann Marquiss
Comments (10)
You are soooooo funny!!
this made me laugh too! Puts things in perspective huh!
I am rolling in laughter! That was the best thing I have read in forever! So true… every word! We did a cow milking demonstration last fall and I thought the same thing as I was holding Scott-Wesley… r u kidding me? I can’t imagine being an abused cow!
I almost felt the nursing pain of all nursing mothers…although I do not miss the pain of an overfilled breast – I do miss the closeness and connection I felt while nursing! And if you are taking a poll…I have always felt bad for the dairy cow – but, boy do I love milk!!!
Richelle
Ha ha great post! And I LOVE “yammies” – that seems like such a better word for sheep than “sheep.”
Oh wow. And I thought it was bad for ME. Lol. I feel for our dog. She has five babies and they all want a piece of her. I just shake my head…
LOL, I almost fell out of my chair, I knew i have been ready to wean Jaden for months now you have just given me the motivation.
oh my – WAY too funny!
I am dying laughing!!
Good point about letting all those kids try to milk the cow. If I was that cow, there’d be some kids with a hoof print on them!!:):)
that was so funny !!