You might as well know I’m writing a book. There I said it. It’s public knowledge now which leaves me shaking in my boots at the expectation that it get published! It’s about Ryan, of course, and our experience with having a pre-birth fatal diagnosis and a post-birth miracle. We’ll see if anyone thinks it’s worth reading.
At this point my editor says I have to rewrite the darn thing. Apparently I’m good at the clinical aspect of the story but not so good at sharing my feelings.
Well, duh! I could’ve told him that. If he read my blog he would’ve learned that a loooonnnngg time ago. Yes?!
So with Henry gone and the house staged I’m finally sitting down this week to rewrite it. And stick my feelings in it. Which is really tough since I was so busy the first time around that I’m not sure I really allowed myself to feel everything I should’ve and could’ve felt, if you know what I mean.
Reliving it the last two nights leaves me exhausted and raw. But it also brings me to my knees afresh, amazed at how God showed up big time. Big Time. Yesterday I wrote about our first consultation at Children’s when Dr. D told us the worst case scenario would be if our baby had a heart defect. That heart defects in combination with ectopia cordis are fatal. Fatal, people.
I guess Ryan thought it was opposite day!
(c) 2016 Leighann Marquiss
Comments (11)
Love Ryan n his smile! God is truly amazing and faithful I can see big things for him. Life is amazing when you have Jesus as your Savior and He’s really going to get you through step by step as you reflect back and share your feelings its going to be beautiful 🙂 love you!!
And God decided it was opposite day too. Love it when He does that and shows himself STRONG on behalf of those who love him.
So excited about your book! I’m sure it will be a wonderful testimony of what God can do when His people pray!
AWESOME!!! I’ll for sure read the book…. then start a book club to force my friends to read it :). What an incredible journey God is taking you on (and incredibly difficult, I imagine). Thanks for walking thru it for His glory and for our benefit. Your story is a reminder of His power, His love and His eternal plan.
Leighann, that is wonderful…marvelous…super~d~dooper!!! I will buy that book for sure!
I love the miracle I see in Ryan! I love you and Henry and the girls…and you are living proof that God can get people through anything!
As you know…my daughter wrote a book…and now she has another one coming out. Their story has helped so many people…and so will yours!
That’s the whole point…to glorify God and to help people. I will pray for you as you put your personality into the story. Just be you sweetie. Tell the stuff that happened in the in-between moments when you found humor to keep you sane.
There are those kinds of moments during tragedies. I know because I was right there in those moments with Lynnette. I think God brings them to give us a break now and then. Ha!
Well…anyway. Ryan is so special and I love seeing his progress all of the time. God is so good…and I give him praise for helping you all to keep on keeping on!
Love, Linda
Very excited for the opportunity God is giving your story and Ryan’s story to reach many people to whom it can minister and on that note….
If the first time around, you didn’t feel what you could’ve and should’ve and would’ve and any other ‘ve then write THAT! There are so many moms and dads and families out there who think they are suppose to feel this or that or think this or that and then feel something is wrong with them when they don’t.
You seem to have come through the whole process (as much as you can be ‘through it’ at this stage) with your family in a healthy place – many traumas like this result in divorce.
Just write from your heart about what you did feel and think, personalize it and then let God do the rest. However you and Henry and the girls got through worked for you, clearly.
Praying that God gives you the memory of what you did feel and think so that you can write and share and encourage and reassure and bless MANY others.
All’s grace,
Jennifer
wow. i can’t wait for your book! i’m sure it IS exhausting, though!
I am so glad that our God is the God of the impossible. A determined, stubborned little guy combined with a BIG God made an awesome team. Ryan is so precious and absolutely adorable.
With 3 little ones, a house to sell and a hubby out of town, I can see where you would have time to write a book. You are awesome!
That is so exciting about your book! I can’t wait to read it! Gosh, I remember Ryan’s birth and what a miracle his first year was. And I totally know what you mean about feelings – when I think back on the hardest times with our daughter, like when she was in the PICU after surgery and no one could find a way to deal with her pain, I was just in this MODE, where I was taking notes and fighting for her, and not sleeping, and I honestly don’t think I had ANY feelings some of those days. I think in a way you can’t, because it would be crippling, to think about what could happen – so you just forge ahead like a big strong mama bear. And eventually you look back and think how did I do that without losing it?
Leighann,
I am praying for you tonight. Wondering if you are writing now after the children are in bed, praying that the Lord is speaking to your heart and allowing you to feel exactly what you need to feel so that others can relate and find comfort in what they read. I am praying that the words you write will be truth to someones eyes that have never seen Christ in tragedy before. YOU are my hero in so many ways, I am so thankful the Lord brought your family into my person life so I could learn to pray more and trust more. Through your family and through Ryan I learned to boldly stand before the throne of God and ask boldly for what was needed. We have seen miracles in Ryan and look forward to seeing many more. We love you guys and will be first in line to buy and read and tell everyone about your book!
I think a book by you would be awesome. I pray your heart for God will come through in what you write as well as it does in your blog. My, you do have a lot going on right now, yes?!?
May I humbly submit: God is everywhere, whether one’s situation turns out well (the way we want) or badly (the way we do not want). I have had both types of situations in my life, but yet, looking back, I can see how God was present at all times. When I read books (or the like) that suggest, “God surely showed up big time,” when one’s situation turned out positively, I feel badly for all the other folks and situations which did not turn out the way they wanted, but surely God was there either way, no? “Success” does not equal God’s presence and “bad luck” does not equal God’s nonpresence, no? We all just have to be open to God’s will, either way, and that is the mystery of it all. You all were open to God’s will, and it could have gone either way. The blessedness is that you were open to God’s will and you let Him work His magical will in His own plan. Yes?