Yesterday, a friend asked me how far apart we want our third and fourth child. I told her I didn’t know.
If you had asked me that question a year ago, I would’ve told you 2 years. I personally think that’s the perfect spacing. But, with the health of this baby up in the air, I just don’t know what’s going to happen. It’s been like that a lot lately. It’s like I’ve lost all ability to plan for the future. All my mental planning capacities are being used to make decisions and plan for the arrival of baby boy. Whenever anyone asks us ‘Do you want to xyz?’ our response is ‘I don’t know.’ This is especially out of character for me, the ultimate planner. We’re talking about the girl who makes lists of her different lists, catalogs her moving boxes into a spreadsheet, makes a travel notebook with optional events for each day and contact information for each place we are staying. I’m a planner, people, and I cannot even answer if we’ll be getting a new car when baby boy arrives. (that all depends on the carseats fitting in my old car, btw.)
It’s not only for big decisions either. I tend to make a menu at the beginning of the week, shop for all my groceries at once and make a return trip for the perishables like fruit and milk. The last few months, it takes me until 3 p.m. to figure out what we are having for dinner THAT DAY. This has made grocery shopping much more frequent, but I just cannot get my brain cells to focus on anything. The problem is, we just don’t know what we are facing. There are so many scenarios on the table and we won’t know which one is ours until baby boy’s heart shows us what it can do. We have a little over 4 weeks to go. It’ll be here before we know it. And then?
(c) 2016 Leighann Marquiss
Comments (5)
My heart goes out to you today. I cannot even imagine how difficult it is to go on with everyday stuff with what you are facing. My son had/has bad health problems(as well as myself)and I’ve experienced some of the same things you’re talking about. Days when you’re dealing with sickness, especially when you fear for your baby’s life, become so overwhelming that it’s hard to have a ‘normal’. I don’t have any advice to give other than just don’t worry about the other stuff for now. The decisions will get made when they have to be and for the ones that don’t, no big deal. You’ve got plenty of other stuff on your mind right now. And I can so relate to the can’t decide what to eat, go to the store almost every day thing. It can be annoying sometimes, but that’s just life I guess. Love and Prayers today!
(p.s. I’m gonna try to email you back soon!)
and then…. you will deal with the priorities in life — that being baby boy at first then your girls. Someone’s wise sister once said that you need to pick your battles. And I would expect in the next 6 months there will be plenty of times when you will need to pick your battles. Pick what absolutely needs done. Me and the rest of the family will be there to pick up the slack. I love you and although I cannot magically heal baby boy, I can support his mommy and help her in whatever capacity is needed. Take one day at a time after he is born. With God’s grace and help of friends and family, you will get thru this and resume to your old self. Love ya!!
hi! i somehow found you’re blog and wanted to de-lurk. 😉 i went to high school with you – amy dickerhoff – now mcmillin, married with two boys. i’ve been praying for you. my mom is battling cancer right now, and it is hard to plan the future. that’s why it’s wonderful that God has already planned it and is in complete control. i KNOW it is hard to just trust that plan (i’m a list girl too!) but it makes life so much easier. one day at a time…He gives us grace for the day at hand, not all the days at once. we will keep you in our prayers!!
hey, btw, i have become increasingly more organized, maybe it’s a freaky friday like event (did we smash into each other violently lately? i don’t remember this happening…) anyways, i am starting to try to do some meal planning, cutting down on going to the grocery store everyday at about 3;30, after i plan the meal for the night (and i am not joking now). i wish i lived closer to you! i love you
the hardest part is giving it up. the control. but you’ve done that. just keep handing it to Him and you’ll be fine (and we’ll all help you! :-))