Have you ever watched Dancing with the Stars? Come on, admit it. I know you have. And if you haven’t then well, I hope you still get the picture.
Whenever I watch ballroom dancing, I always marvel at the fancy footwork, the graceful movements, the strength and control of the dancers. Both have to be strong and both have to know their moves.
A few years ago, the Giant and I took a Cha-Cha class. I kept getting the feet work wrong and Henry finally said, “Would you quit thinking and let me lead?” At first I thought it was a great example of submission, but something about it rubbed me wrong. And then it dawned on me.
If you watch DWTS you know it’s pretty easy to tell the professional from the amateur. The interesting thing is, when a professional man and an amateur female are paired, you can tell the woman is not in top form, but the dance goes okay. However, when it is the professional female and the amateur male, it looks awkward. It seems like the delicate, graceful partner is dragging her unpracticed amateur partner around the dance floor. It looks plain bad.
Because you see, within the realm of ballroom dancing the partners must not only be in sync, but the male must lead. And when he doesn’t – it’s awkward and not pretty to watch.
And the funny thing is, the female dancer doesn’t take any offense that in their partnership there is a definite leader and it’s not her. She understands that she must be in tip-top shape and on her A game too.
It is the same with marriage. There is an equal partnership with two very important roles. This doesn’t make one partner more important than the other. It doesn’t make one partner weaker than the other. In fact, the partnership is only as strong as its weakest link.
So next time you wonder what each spouse looks like in a marriage with submission, think of dancers. Graceful, supportive, cooperative, and passionate with one leading and the other twirling beautiful circles around her partner.
Comments (20)
Very good analogy!
I would have never thought of marraige this way. It is a good way to think about tho. Thanks you for the new point of view.
Leighann this is a good way to look at it. I totally agree.
God had a plan for us to work together and compliment each other…and someone needs to lead…and it should be the man.
I needed this~ God is helping others through you. Thank you for listening to Him and sharing, you never know what you are doing for others when you share these thoughts. God bless! PS praying for you and for your family.
Wow, seems like your post must have know what my weekend went like. Thanks you for that point of view I will sure keep it in mind:)
great analogy! and how do you have time to put beautiful thoughts like that together??
To My graceful Leighann. Well said!
Very beautiful picture! And when do you have time to think of things like that??
Beautiful, Girl.
I love the twirling circles around her man part…
k
Great analogy and I wish it worked in my family! I am the strong, alpha one in the house…it’s not working as well as I want it to. I always dreamed of being a submissive wife, but once I got here, (and way before) I knew I couldn’t handle it. My man needs direction, my family needs purpose. We all need direction, and unfortunately it comes from me. Oh how I wish it came from someone else though!
Love your blog…but can’t stand the submissive wife stuff. Yuck. We’ve worked too hard!
But, I just skip over those posts and continue to enjoy the rest.
It’s wonderful to see your little one home at last!
Yuck! I don’t buy it…submission is crap! So your husband said to you (while dancing),”Would you quit thinking and let me lead?” And that is your motto for life…toquit thinking…to not use your brain…to not think for yourself? That is crazy!!!! How about equals….sure, there are circumstances when my husband takes the “lead” and times when I take the “lead” and we support each other and balance each other out…equals! What’s wrong with that?
Anonymous 1 – thank you for coming back even though we don’t see eye-to-eye. I love that we can agree to disagree and that you still speak your mind in an honest and gracious way.
Anonymous 2 – I also appreciate your honesty and willingness to share. I think, however, you missed the point. My exact point is that the thing I didn’t like about Henry’s statement was that submission isn’t about not thinking or not being equal, it’s about roles. And that is why ballroom dancing is such a good analogy. Because each partner is equal and each has to be hard-working, thinking, and on top of their game. However, there is only one leader. I’m sorry I wasn’t clear on that. I hate the idea of submission being a subservient, passive, non-thinking wife as well. I don’t know many people who actually practice submission this way; although I know a TON of people who think this is what submission means. I hope you’ll continue reading.
I still don’t get it….why can’t you take the lead sometimes and your husband can be the graceful, supportive, cooperative one. Wouldn’t you both learn more and become stronger people, better partners and parents? Your roles in the marriage sound way too defined for my taste. My marriage is always growing and changing by the mere fact that it is not defined by such terms.
I will continue to read your blog, because I do enjoy reading about the progress of your son…like the other reader, I can (and usually do) just skip over the post about being submissive!
FYI – I gave it some thought and decided it wasn’t really fair of me to comment on submission based on reading one post. So I went back and read all your posts on submission and all the comments from others. Having read all of it, I stand by my previous comments.
Anonymous – I actually chuckled when I got your email. Thank you for taking the time to read the previous discussions on submission here on the blog. I accept your renewed stance of not agreeing! 🙂
hope you dont mind…I stole this for my blog. I gave you credit!
Technically, this argument doesn’t make any sense. First of all, you say that both partners are equal, but they can not possibly be equal if one is submitting to the other. That inherently places the decision-maker in the more important role. Secondly, you say that the marriage is only as strong as the weakest partner. What if the weaker partner is the man? Is the relationship doomed to fail? Not only is that unfair to the woman, it is unfair to the man as well. I just don’t see how you can claim parity in the relationship when the woman is submitting to the leadership of the man.
That being said, you have every right to live your life in the way that you see fit. And, I acknowledge that the dancing model is an excellent analogy for a relationship based on submission, considering the man must lead and the woman, no matter how strong, will falter if the man is not in control. I just don’t see how your statement about equality in the roles has any place in the analogy, or in your model of submission. Submission, by definition, means inequality.
Anonymous – Wow! So I say tomato, you say tomotoe, I say potato, you say potatoe.
When I say equal – I mean a placement of value. So, I believe men and women have the same value in marriage and life in general. I don’t believe one gender is ‘better’ than another. This is different than believing they are the same (wired the same, built the same, roles the same) – which is another definition of equal.
When I say submission I mean ‘deferring to another’s will or judgment’. So in my definition (which i copied from the dictionary), there is no placement of value.
It seems when you talk of submitting, the idea makes you think the person submitting is of a lesser value or intelligence or strength. As if one who submits is unable to figure things out on her own and therefore inferior.
I agree that it seems ‘fair’ for couples to take turns submitting to one another, but to me that leads to keeping score (who got their way last time), competition, and fighting for my rights. There are many good arguments for or against this approach, many of which I see value in and others I think explain why 50 percent of marriages fail.
For me what it comes down to is that I believe the Bible is true so my approach to life is based on what scripture says. Ephesians 5:22 states a woman should submit to her husband. The hard part for Christian women is figuring out what that looks like.
For people who don’t believe the Bible is true, I can see how this would not be a factor for them. I totally understand that.
What I don’t understand is how difficult it is to accept that value and worth are not a part of deferring to someone else. It happens all the time in the workplace, sports teams, and between friends without offending anyone. But as soon as it is placed within the confines of marriage it suddenly becomes a heated argument of who is better. Submission has nothing to do with who is better. It is simply an outline of roles.
In response to ‘what if the husband is the weaker link?’
One of our jobs as spouses is to support and encourage growth and maturation in each other (i think this fits parenting as well). When you ‘take over’ something the other person is not good at, you cripple their growth. I would argue a strong woman who doesn’t allow her husband to fail keeps him timid and stagnate. So, yes, if the husband is the weaker link and the woman disrespects him by taking over so to speak, this complicates matters…think Jon and Kate.
If you read between the lines here, you will see that really a woman has much more power and influence than the male. She can encourage him and bolster him to rise above his shortcomings and grow just by allowing him to take the role God intended him to have even if it takes him some time of trial and error and making mistakes. In fact, as the leader, he won’t get it ‘right’ every time.
We should ask people to say in the blog frog community if they practice biblical submission (or traditional roles for those who are not believers) in their marriages or not. and if there is anyone who has tried one way or the other and what their experience is. It might be interesting to see what others have to say.