I am a person who speaks my mind. And has strong opinions. And plans… so therefore has an agenda. Oh, and is project-oriented instead of people-oriented.
A person who has things under control and doesn’t need help.
Even better is I have a hard time talking about my feelings. My hurts, disappointments, and needs. I’m not sure why I’m this way… it could be my personality or stem from my childhood, but to be honest it doesn’t really matter why I am this way, just that I am.
Let me tell you what this combination has done for my marriage. Nothing. Nada. Zip.
Well, that’s not entirely true. It did alienate my husband and make him feel unnecessary.
And let me tell you what finding out that my baby was going to die did for my marriage. It broke Little Miss Independent (that would be me) and made me incapable of not relying on people, namely my husband.
I had friends who forced me out of my shell (very lovingly) by asking me how I was feeling and what I needed. And once I opened up to them I was able to open up to Henry and tell him what I needed and how scared I was. How I couldn’t handle this crisis alone and very much needed his shoulder to cry on.
Let me tell you what becoming less independent and becoming “needy” did for my marriage…
It made us stronger. It allowed my husband to step up the plate that I had been shoving him back from with both my arms. It gave him permission to be my knight in shining armor.
It brought us closer. It’s funny how making yourself vulnerable actually puts you in a stronger position in the other person’s heart. I can’t explain it. I just know it’s how it happened for us.
If you asked me the one of the biggest things I learned from this whole ordeal with Ryan and his sweet little unique heart it is this: being less independent does a marriage good.
Comments (9)
So I talked about your blog today…basically I just can’t help myself. 🙂 Hope you enjoy! http://leemeandthegirls.blogspot.com/2010/08/and-award-goes-to.html
Like, like, like, like. The longer I’m married, the more I realize that at times what I perceive is “strength” is actually weakness and vice-versa.
Awesome post! – I’m not married yet but I can see how neat it is that when we have something that needs to be worked on God provides something – a person – a situation – to turn it into something good – a strength you develop and it’s an awesome thing that like you said can’t be explained it just makes you stronger or in your case your relationship stronger 🙂
Your post is so true. I found out recently that when I let my husband be “the man” and comforter, that it not only draws us closer but makes me feel stronger to face the difficulties. We then face problems as a team instead of me trying to go at it alone. Very good blog.
That is so true! I find the need to be very independednt since hubby is military and often gone a lot. There are times when said hubby needs to HEAR how I need him. I made a comment to him one night how I often get scared at night when he is gone (he already knows that)well he pulled me tight in his arms and said don’t worry I will protect you. I smiled and whispered back. I am always safe and protected when your home. If you could just imgine the smile and the happiness that statment brought him, it let him know I trusted him, and I felt protected and safe with him. And I do. That being said I could fend off 100 boogie men if I had to because my God is bigger then the boogie man.
Leighann thanks for sharing that. You have learned so much through your trials.
Prayed for you and Henry and the girls today…and of course for our little Ryan!
Linda @ Truthful Tidbits
beautiful.
absolutely!! If only I had learned this lesson earlier on in my marriage! But we too are growing, learning, and closer after some trials. Thanks for the great reminder!!
Eep. I needed that reminder today. Thanks!