A little bit of an emotional dump today, but I’ve processed a few things over the last week or so.
I finally came to the point where I’m no longer in denial about this pregnancy. It hit me one morning in church that I’m completely overwhelmed with the thought of bringing another soul into this world that will rely on me for everything, including their emotional well being. My girls are giving me a run for my money lately and it’s hard for me to know what the right answers are. I am weary and not feeling very well equipped. And now we are adding another one. “Dear God, redeem my weaknesses” has been my mantra for the last week.
Since my realization I’ve been praying specifically for me to let go of the fear that paralyzes and hand my children (and their emotions) over to Him once more. I highly believe that parents affect their children to great lengths, but also believe that God can take a crazy situation and redeem the life of individuals. Oh how I pray that he would do that for my children. I know I’m making it sound like we have a dysfunctional home life – the reality is our home is relatively peaceful and very loving, but I also know that children have needs that are hard work to meet. I once heard someone say (Jen Hatmaker?) something like “one can’t be into adopting if they aren’t into parenting” and I would say the same thing about having biological children. Children are a joy, and fun, and exciting, but if you aren’t into committing to strong parenting maybe babysitting would more be your thing.
I do feel better having come to this realization even though it’s heavy. I’m processing it and praying about it and know that everyone will be okay. Me included. As my friend Bridget would say, this is my “whoa” baby. I thought I hit a brick wall, but apparently we’re bursting through it!
The silver lining is that I think my morning sickness is finally letting up a little at 16.5 weeks in. I’m able to be up longer in the mornings without puking my guts out. Quite literally it used to be the moment I stood up from the bed I would feel nauseated. Now I can be up a half hour or so before I must eat something to get my sugar levels right. And I can go longer during the day between snacking, which is a blessing. I’m still getting sick and am more tired than normal, but am much more functional than the last 2 months.
And moving on from that light subject, we move on to an even lighter one….. I found out yesterday one of Ryan’s doctor’s passed away this week from recently diagnosed cancer. Reading about it on Facebook left me quite literally in shock and tears. She was young – my age – and has two little girls – one 3 yrs old and the other 6 months. It makes me sad to know they’ll grow up without her light in their lives. Please pray for the Pike family if you think about it today. I’ve been grieving since yesterday morning and can’t imagine their pain today.
Okay, okay really… on a brighter note, Henry and I celebrate our 17th wedding anniversary Sunday. My sweet MIL texted this week to see if she could take the kids for the weekend. I rearranged a few things and now the giant and I have a few days alone. Yeah! And on that note, I need to go finish packing the kids’ stuff.
I hope you and your family have a great weekend!
Comments (4)
Happy Anniversary to you and Henry. May you have many, many more years……Also, you and Henry are such great parents and God has given you another child to treasure. You are doing a great job, know it and believe it. My mama always said, “Pray, don’t doubt, believe & receive” . Have a great weekend. Becky
Happy Anniversay!
I have been absent from reading blogs for a while and WOW did I fall behind! The kids look great, you look great and CONGRATULATIONS on the baby!!! Happy Anniversary also!
Congratulations, Happy Anniversary….its been too long since I’ve caught up on your blog. I’m so excited for you when I read about the pregnancy, I have to tell you how hard I cried when I found out about baby number 4, I truly thought God had made a mistake because I was barely caring for the 3 I already had and there I was pregnant again, but OH how amazing is God in all his infinite wisdom. He knew what we needed and he knew we would need to rely on him more and more….and more…..and more…haha but how gracious is he to know more than we ever will. I pray for your family as you adjust to a family of 6, I pray for health for all of you and God will comfort you always in times of fear and stress and just when you think I can’t take it anymore, he shows you how far you’ve come. Enjoy.