There has been a lot of correction going on in our household lately.
If you wanted to sum up my life in two concepts it would be purposefully with balance (incidentally I have a friend whose husband loves these two words too, which is why we get along so well…my friend and I that is, not me and her husband, although we get along well too. Oh dear, now I’m just rambling.) When I am not living on purpose and am out of balance I feel… well, without purpose and off balance! I have a hard time devoting all of my time to one thing. I’m not an all or nothing kind of gal. I’m more a little here, a little there, and a dab over there too. As my afore mentioned friend’s husband likes to point out – if you are excelling in one area, it means you are ignoring another (or multiple others).
So back to the point – a lot of correcting in the last few days because I’ve noticed my parenting has been a little less purposeful since Ryan’s diagnosis and we are all suffering for it. The girls whine way too much. They cry all too often. And they ignore (yes, downright ignore) what I ask them to do. Or, simply use the word ‘no.’ My new favorite phrase is, “Would you like to try that one more time?” If their no doesn’t turn into a ‘yes, mommy’ we have some serious words.
The hardest thing to admit is that I am contributing to this problem…a.k.a. I am the problem! I noticed that most of my commands are given on the run, rushing to get ready to leave and I don’t stop to look the girls in the face and ask them to do something. Not only that, when I’m rushing around I don’t take the time to make sure the girls are actually implementing my requests. It gives them the perfect opportunity to ignore me! I am learning that when I am distracted it allows the girls to be distracted into NOT LISTENING.
So I am slowing down (well, trying at least). Trying to be in the same room, on the same level with the girls when I ask them to complete a task. And I am being super consistent in making sure they actually do it. And if my one-liner doesn’t remind them to act, then I am being very strict on guiding them to action either through discipline or physically walking them through it.
And guess what… it’s working! Wouldn’t you know that purposefully working with them is bringing results. But that wasn’t the point of this whole diatribe. The point was another trend I am noticing… and that is that kids are highly distractable. Here is a recent example from the other day at the hospital:
“Ainsley, you need to keep your voice down. There are other babies in this room and we don’t want to wake them up. Look at my eyes, please.”
While saying this, I notice her eyes shift from my eyes to my forehead.
“What’s that?” she says pointing to the tiniest red dot on my face. One I haven’t noticed before. Probably a tiny blemish that I absent mindedly scratched at. “I think you have blood.”
“It’s just a scratch, sweetie. Did you hear what mommy said?”
“You have blood. I think you have blood on you.” she still studying my forehead.
At moments like these, I realize I’ve lost her and move on. What are your tricks for getting your kids back on track?
(c) 2016 Leighann Marquiss
Comments (10)
I try to make sure that Ryan is fully focused on what I am asking her to do. It’s so easy for kids to get distracted but I make sure that nobody else is talking to her and there isn’t a tv on to make her turn her head. If that doesn’t work and she still is flat out ignoring me, then I will walk her through it….sometimes they just need a reminder of what it is their doing, and they need US to be that reminder. Good luck!!
Having my child look me in the eyes and repeat back what I asked her to do usually works for me. This tactic doesn’t allow for the “I don’t remember you asking me to do that” later on when I ask if the task is completed. I also tactfully remind her that I might “not remember” to answer her or “forget” my answer the next time she asks “Can a friend come over?” Two can play at that game!! Consistency and following through are the main keys for me to having my children listen to what I say.
~Wendy
By the way, I love your blog! Very thought provoking and well written, even in the midst of all you are dealing with. Just curious if you live on the MD or VA side of DC? We could be neighbors (well, I know not down-the-street-neighbors, but still close).
~Wendy
Oh! That is HILARIOUS! I have realized I ask my oldest to clean her room and she leaves, I think she does it and I never check up on her…So, then it does not happen. I need to be more purposefully balanced too!!!
I can so relate to that, I often think I need to “Re group” get back on track. Sometimes its just easier to take same ole way out, and yes Not only do I suffer the kids suffer and it really should not be that way. Times are are a changing in my household we ALL need to be held accountable for our actions. Thank you for the reminder that I am not the only one out there dealing with this.
uh. yes. i can relate “just a bit” 🙂
getting on their level and looking in their eyes and consistency are all the BEST ways (but sometimes the hardest things to do!)
Sorry. I had to laugh. I’m glad Ainsley couldn’t hear me laughing. She is incredibly smart trying to distract you from the real issue and out of “concern” for you. LOL (Not unlike some adults I know and live with!)
Funny, the other day I heard myself repeating to Riley, my 3-year old, something that my mom always used to say….”Delayed obedience is disobedience.” (And I swore I would never repeat those little sayings.) I’ve stopped counting to 3 to get her to do something I want. Instead, I tell her that I expect her to do something immediately when asked. I’ve discovered, just as you have, that she will do as I ask if I focus on her and follow through. It’s so hard to slow down, but I’m guessing we’ll be much happier in the long run.
haha Little Rachel does them same thing! I try to follow her eyes around and get in the path to lock eyes. I do the same things though. The “Yes Mommy” phrase or I even have them repeat what I asked them to do. Have you ever read Creative Correction by Lisa Whelchel? I really enjoyed her ideas.
Wow Leighann. You hit the nail on the head. I think every child is different on this – my oldest daughter does what I say if I call her from one room to the next or stood on my head in the bathroom shower. I have a son (the middle child – ooooh how I love him) who wouldn’t respond if I told him while sitting in his lap. So, I think I will purpose to be more purposeful with him…and possibly I WILL sit on his lap. For emphasis.