From my journal around this time last year:
November 22, 2008
On a quick trip to Target for diapers, I pass Christmas ornaments awaiting holiday shoppers. My eyes skim them keeping my eye out for Natalie’s and Ainsley’s collections. I see one that says, ‘Baby’s First Christmas’. Will baby boy have a first Christmas? Overwhelmed by the thought, tears form in my eyes and I move on to the diaper row. Of course, passing through the baby clothes, socks and onesies make me think further of baby boy and his plight. Crying in the middle of Target wasn’t exactly the plan so I try to get a grip. Although my gut feeling is baby boy will survive this ordeal, there are moments the thoughts of ‘what if’ overtake me and my emotions ride the roller coaster of grief. “
And from this year:
(c) 2016 Leighann Marquiss
Comments (19)
Praying for “baby boy” every day. I like his ornament and little tree. Now he needs a snowman!
love ya.
Leighann,
Don’t worry…Ryan will have a 1st Christmas! Maybe just not the one you have planned in your dreams. Don’t forget your family pic on Saturday…it also may not be what you planned, but it will be yours so embrace it and make it the best you can. You are an amazing woman and mother! I gather such strength and faith when I watch you and Ryan navigate your way thru his struggle and journey. Hope this helps ;0)
Am praying for you and your family always! Happy to see a tree up and an ornament. God is good! Your little guy I am sure will have a special Christmas this year with you!
MH
Leighann- You have a gift with words to express emotions that all mothers would feel and do. Thank you for sharing your personal journal with us.
I have welled up many times in stores seeing baby clothes or seeing new moms pick out future gifts for their babies. I then proceed to the Coke and snack area! 😉 It is truly amazing to see where God has brought your family.
God has and continues to amaze us with Ryan. I love the little sweet pea. Too cute!
Leighann! I agree that Ryan will have a 1st Christmas! Things don’t always go as we plan only God knows what is best. So cherish what you have, do your best and let God do the rest! Glad that Ryan has a little tree and ornament, that’s the way to go! 🙂
nice ornament. praying for your family.
Whew…that one made me cry!! Praising God not only for the birth of his son, Jesus, but for the life he’s given Ryan this year!
God is good.
When I got on here I was thinking of the song from the Veggie Tales Movie, “The Lord has given this land to us, no need to fuss, God knows what he’s doing…” and I think that would apply to Ryan’s situation. Oh how hard it is to let go and let God, but He knows what He’s doing, even when we don’t understand. I am praying for Peace for you this Christmas and that God will continue to make Ryan strong and heal his little body.
With all our love and our prayers,
Months after Maggie was born, Ryan (my hubby)shared with me some of his thoughts right after we learned of her broken heart. He imagined the Christmas that would not be. He even imagined what her 1st Christmas dress would look like and hated the thought of her not being here for it. Thank the Lord, that these visions did not come true. We have enjoyed 2 Christmases with Maggie and look forward to many more.
I know the fears that you have and unfortunately they will always exist. However, I pray that your Ryan will have many Christmases ahead of him and I know that you will make each one special for your family… even if it’s not what you originally envisioned. You are an amazing family and God has amazing plans for you. Can’t wait to see pictures of Ryan’s 1st Christmas.
Many hugs,
Faith
Merry First Christmas, Ryan!! I pray it is a beautiful day for all of you…..
Need….baby…pictures! I’m an addict! He is amazing and I love seeing how he is developing, growing and thriving. It’s been like….5 days? Sigh….miss baby Ryan.
*fka anonymous
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What a blessing our Ryan has been to our family! He brings such joy at this beautiful time of year. Can’t wait to see you soon. Love, Marmi
such a gift to you all and all of us watching /praying for him…
I’ve read your blog off and on throught this year with Ryan. My baby was born Feb 13th with tetrology of fallot and by all accounts is doing very well. I didn’t have to experience what you detail here last year because I didn’t even know he had a heart condition yet. I don’t know how you handled it-I so would have been crying in Target too!
oops it didn’t let me leave my name and web site. I’m amy go here to check out Jacob! user.pa.net/~john.and.amy
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