Unless you’re living under a rock you’ve seen the memes and encouraging quotes saying “You are enough.” I see them on social media all the time…. Along with other self-love statements. While I do agree with the idea of accepting ourselves, these phrases have always rubbed me the wrong way. I think it rubs a lot of people the wrong way and why we need to be told so often that our worth doesn’t depend on what we’ve accomplished. We have a hard time believing that it doesn’t matter what we do, that we could live like slobs, sit on our rears, leave chip crumbs all over the place and still be “as good as” or “as worthy” as someone who is out saving the world.
Today, I’d like to separate the idea that our inherent worth and what we accomplish are the same thing. I think of our sense of worth lining everyone up in a line up, all races, creeds, orientations – line them all up against a wall. By looking, we don’t know anything about these people except what we see. We don’t know if they’re lawyers, doctors, fire fighters, teachers, murderers, arsonists, swindlers, etc. We just know they are human. If I asked you to rate them based on their worth as humans, it would be difficult to make any kind of scale…. We’d have to agree they are all worth the same. They all have internal lives – thoughts, fears, dreams, vices. Some people’s conversations are more negative…. They hold themselves back from their dreams because they allow their past, social status, education, or family origin to define them. They don’t allow themselves to dream of better because they don’t believe they deserve more or are “worthy” of more.
If this is you. I want you to know that you aren’t enough. You are enough in terms of being just as worthy as everyone else to be loved, known, and accepted. (I believe the God of the universe made you and that makes you enough, btw. Some people don’t share that belief and that’s okay.)
However, if you have dreams or goals, saying “You are Enough” does nothing to get you there.
What do you say at the dinner table when someone asks you if you want more? “I’ve had enough, thank you” is a common reply. What do you say when someone is pouring you a drink? “That’s enough!” you might exclaim as the glass gets fuller. The word enough implies satisfaction, that as much or required has been met. Additionally, in some situations, it’s actually a call for something to stop. Enough is enough! I’ve had enough of your behavior. It must stop!
When we’re talking about ourselves “You are enough” implies we are done. We can rest on our laurels (what are laurels anyway?) and stop trying, because afterall, we’re enough. We’re awesome and good enough, smart enough, and whatever “enough” you’re not feeling at the moment.
Instead of the phrase “You are Enough”, I’d like to propose a new one – “You are Capable.”
I recently landed upon the concept of “you are capable” in an article by Joanna Gaines about her feelings of self-doubt when she found out she was pregnant with her fifth child at the age of 40. Oh how I can relate to the reality of a surprise book-end baby! Our fourth child, Piper, was definitely the exclamation point to a sentence we long ago thought we’d finished writing.
When I read Joanna’s article title, it struck me that this one saying captures perfectly the idea that we are enough – in terms of worth, intelligence, and design, while still leaving us feeling empowered to move forward no matter what life may throw at us. It gives us personal authority when it comes to who we are and what we get to do. We are the ones who grant ourselves permission to push forward in pursuit of our crazy, wild dreams that no one else thinks we can achieve. We get to try them no matter what others might think. We get to love our bodies while still working to maintain a healthy lifestyle. We get to fight to the top of the corporate ladder, stay home with our kids, become a doctor, lawyer, executive, chef, artist, musician, teacher, entrepreneur…. We get to do what we dream of, not fulfill the dreams someone else has for us, because we are capable.
You are capable tells us we are enough without letting us off the hook of growing and maturing. It tells us we don’t need someone else’s permission or money or drive. It tells us that we hold the keys inside of us that unlock our untapped potential. We alone can open the door by simply walking through it. Yet it doesn’t limit us to sitting back and being satisfied with where we are. As a huge proponent of self-awareness, goals and growth, you are capable hints at the idea that there are great things yet to come and that we are able to accomplish these things if we work hard enough. It’s a quiet confidence. It’s assurance. It’s blessing upon blessing. It’s hope. It’s comfort. All of it in that one phrase.
The word enough makes me think of endings. I’ve had enough. I’m done. The work complete. You are capable tells us we not only can stop trying to prove our worth but we can also get down to the actual work of doing whatever it is that makes our soul sing.
It’s not so much about resting on our laurels as it is about resting in the knowledge that no matter comes our way, we are capable of learning and doing those things that need to be done, even if we don’t have the knowledge, skills or resources needed today. When the time comes, we are capable of rising to the challenge and learning and growing more and gathering more resources.
As someone who spent the better half of my life to this point trying to prove my worth through accomplishment and productivity, I can tell you that if you’re afraid that if you admit you are working for someone else’s approval that you’ll suddenly become an aimless wanderer without goals, you won’t. Instead of the feelings of panic or stress that you aren’t measuring up, you’ll be energized with your own goals… ones that you are now free to come up with on your own and work toward with unfettered vigor because it’s what YOU want, not because it’s something you have to do. It’s the most amazing feeling in the world!
So listen, as a recovering prove-er of worth, let me tell you, you are enough. But as a life coach who’s passionate about helping others use their energy to move forward instead of swimming in circles, let me tell you, friend, that you are capable. Capable of figuring it out. Capable of learning new things. Capable of amazing things.
