When I’m out in my garden or grabbing something from my car I hear them practicing while my kids are busy playing on the hill that is our backyard. These pianists who, no older than 4th grade, are already playing difficult virtuosoes and minuets. They are most certainly raised by a Tiger mother. I never see them play outside. In fact, I only ever see the boy when he emerges from the house right when the bus is pulling to the curb. I don’t know if they have sleepovers… how could I since I never see their mother outside to chat with either. Amy Chua’s words ring in my head about her Chinese mother every time the hum of bees mixes with Mozart as my fingers curl around a cucumber, plucking it from the vine.
It doesn’t bother me… too much. Okay, maybe a little. I wonder if my kids will become doctors and engineers like theirs. I think of another kind of Tiger mother who has her children with private athletic coaches by the time they’re 8. Being that my girls have only dribbled a basketball for fun… never even been to a clinic or played an actual game makes me want to give up on them having any sort of playing time come high school. Perhaps we should forget about them becoming first chair at anything in band since we’ve had no professional music lessons either.
Then I think of how Amy’s daughter’s were taught if they weren’t the best at something they were failures. I think of how standing in Carnegie Hall Amy was discontent that her daughter had played in a smaller concert hall instead of the big one and scheming how to get there. And I think why? What does it prove? That my child is the best? That I’m the best mom?
As I carry in my never-ending 3 cucumbers (it always seems there are three ready to harvest) I remind myself that raising kids isn’t about perfection. Success is not measure in best or better. My goal as a mother is to teach my children about more than piano lessons and math problems. These things are important. But they aren’t everything. Math and Science is only one portion of my children’s education. It should also include loving God, others, and the world around us.
Enter the conversation. What do you feel is important?
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Comments (6)
I believe we are here to be lights in this dark world, and our purpose is much more than being the best athlete or the best musician. Yes, there is a place for those things, and we are to strive for excellence in all that we do-doing our work wholeheartedly, but if our lives are not centered around serving God and knowing Him first and foremost above all else, we will have missed the boat and purpose for our very existence.
I’m going to be lazy (and spare you a whole page-long comment) and post a link to what I wrote when I read the book last year: http://verassong.blogspot.com/2011/03/i-have-opinion-too-battle-hymn-of-tiger.html
I could write a volume about this topic, I’ll try to sum it up in a sobering sentence or two. I have struggled with comparing myself to others’ parenting styles, wondering why I don’t push, hover, insist on the practicing and joining…but I don’t. Childhood to me should have boredom incorporated, time for dreaming and exploring. And then, when our oldest went to college, a classmate committed suicide and I thought, somehow we are missing what is important in this time of tiger parenting, that children see death as a way out of stumbling, failure, defeat, pain…if I could parent all over again, I would do it differently, mostly the same, but I would make sure my kids practiced how to get up again in the midst of pain, to survive failure and humiliation, to smile in the midst of adversity. Life is so precious and somehow that message seems to be lost.
MJ
I want my children to be good people. I want them to see that everyone is created equal. My oldest who is 9 is on the spectrum. He’s very high functioning, most people don’t even know it. But he tends to friend the people who don’t have friends, or the not so pretty girl in class. That right there makes me proud. I want them to grow up and do whatever makes them happy, even if it makes them broke(within legal reasons of course)
I want my kids to be kids. Plain and simple. I want them to grow up and love life. Love to explore. Love to dream. Love to play. Love to have fun. Pushing our kids to do things at such a young age is only putting unnecessary stress and competition into their lives. There is plenty of time for that. I completely understand your feelings, and agree with your way of thinking. Life is too short to be serious all of the time. I see too many moms who are miserable because their multiple children are all in multiple activities, and no one is happy. Everyone is tired and cranky. No thanks.
I would have played more with my kids, gone to the park more, listened more ad asked how they were and met more emotional needs. That is true parenting to me.