I don’t even know how to start this post, so I am going to just start. How’s that for ya?
My life is busier than I ever thought possible. I have always loved keeping busy… doing projects, getting together with friends, participating in sports, checking books off my ‘to read’ list. I carried that over into my parenting with crafts, play dates, playing outdoors and reading to my kids every day. But lately, my busyness isn’t a result of planned activities and purposeful planning, it’s a result of what needs to be done today to make my family continue functioning. And one member of my family takes a bit of maintenance to continue functioning.
I make an average of three calls a day to keep Ryan’s medical life running smoothly… to insurance companies (he has two, plus a flex spending account and an insurance case worker), a county care coordinator, a nursing agency, four different therapists, doctors (there are at least four doctors I’m in contact with currently and several others as needed), the medical supply company for nutrition, the medical supply company for oxygen, and…. maybe that’s all. Oh hold on, I forgot the pharmacy. HOW COULD I FORGET THE PHARMACY?! With this much to keep up with, there are times when someone or something falls through the cracks. This week it was his medical tape. I’m out of tape until Monday. Yikes!
And then there are the girls. The normal upkeep of a five and three year old who are reminding me of jr. highers more and more each day. Thank God (and I’m not just saying that, I’m really thanking God) my girls are well-behaved. Unless you take into account that my second child sneaks things all the time and destroys things just to see what will happen. I’m still in mourning over two of my couches that will never, ever be the same. But she does have an older sister who tries desperately to keep her in line and is practically perfect in every way.
And we all know that a mom doesn’t just watch kids, she raises them while simultaneously maintaining the household… well, at least that’s how it works under our roof. So there’s laundry and cooking and cleaning and shopping and bills and filing and balancing the emotional needs of three children under six and a loving husband.
As if that weren’t enough throw into that mix moving and all that that entails.
It’s exhausting. I’m tired just thinking about it. (Well, actually maybe I’m tired from doing it!) I don’t want to just react to my world, putting fires out as they start, but long to be proactive and stop fires from starting in the first place. But there are days where admittedly (and unfortunately more often than I like) there is one child crying through getting her teeth brushed and one crying because the nightly CD isn’t the one she wants, and a baby coughing from reflux or with his feeding pump alarming, and a husband who calls on his way home from a very long day asking that his dinner be heated up. And sometimes I want to stop in the middle of it all and say, ‘really? not sure if you noticed, but it’s only me standing right here and there are four of you.’
And there are times when words come out of my mouth that make me cringe and my children cry and my husband bristle. This week was hard on the kids because it was hard on me.
And unfortunately this post sounds whiny and complainy and bent out of shape making me want to highlight the entire thing and press the delete key, but it’s who I am and where I’m at so I won’t. Because it’s okay. That’s it. It’s just okay. It’s okay that there is too much for me to do in one given day. It’s okay that someone has to brush their teeth and someone else has to compromise on which CD to listen to. And it’s okay if the heart baby cries…. he survived five surgeries and six heart catheterizations so I’m guessing he’ll survive throwing a temper tantrum. He is getting to that age, you know. And it’s okay for my husband to heat up his own food every once in awhile (which he never complains about, btw). And it’s okay if sometimes I take a few minutes of respite even if all the chores aren’t done. Because guess what, they probably won’t ever be done until there is no one left to take care of. And then I will miss them (the kids, not the chores). But I promise, I will not miss these days over the last eight weeks of transitioning from home to another. I promise. And there are two more weeks to go. We can do this, right?
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Comments (22)
You’re right, it is ok! But I have to say, you’re more than an “OK” Mom. You’re an amazing mother! Moving is one of those insanely stressful life events and you’re doing it on top of an already busy, stressful life. And from an outsider looking in, you’re doing it tremendously well! I mean, I don’t even think the fact that you are moving came up in your blog until just recently! That says something!
HANG IN THERE LEIGHANN!
AMEN! Yes you can do this! You came so far and God doesn’t put you in any situation that you can’t handle. You are truly an amazing strong woman and mother! You’re doing well with maintaining it all and you can’t do it alone, You have Christ’s strength to get you through it. Hang in there, Keep looking up and true that it IS OK! 😀 Have a blessed sweet day Leighann! :o)
Get help! It’s ok to take a break now and then. You are on top of so many things – get help! There are some teenagers in the area who are out of school and needing to be needed! It’s your chance to show them they are needed! Get Help! 🙂 Sorry for so many exclamation points. I hear you – I pray for you….help is on the way.
Beverly in Ohio
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I have been following your blog for a couple of months now and I always leave it thinking, “How in the world does she do it?” You seem like you have such a grip on everything–it makes my childless self feel crazy for not being able to work full time and always keep the house clean and dinner cooked. You deserve to rant every once in a while, because from what I can tell you have about 100x the stress of a normal person. Just wanted you to know that I admire you. And I still pray for your sweet baby. 🙂
Hey, moving in insane – I just did it earlier this year with five kids. On the other hand, a few are older than yours and the youngest doesn’t have any medical issues! I had it easy!
Hang in there – you’re amazing.
While it may not feel like it at times, it sounds and looks like you’re doing an AMAZING job! I feel like what you describe and I only have one (thank God) healthy little girl. I can’t imagine three and one that’s been sick like Ryan. Hang in there! You totally shouldn’t have hit delete, it just shows the rest of us that you’re human like us 😉
I was fixing my spelling issuers. I shall try again….:)
Here I thought you were going to tell a story of how one of the kids threw up one you… I was all like that happened to me too!!! :p Seriously moving with kids is crazy and a baby and not just any baby. It’s Prince Ryan 🙂 He needs some servants haha, no seriously you need help! Is there anybody that could lighten your load a little that you feel you can trust? It would only be for a season. Like you said something has to give. BUT God will give you grace , if you choose to do this by yourself, I will pray for grace and maybe a special assistant. I think you need to repost your “want ad” you had up. 🙂
Hang in there! I would totally come down and help! Sigh…but I think my “TRIBE” would just be more craziness!
((HUGS))
Kelly
Some days, weeks, months go like this! During times like this I feel like I forget to breathe!
So here is your friendly reminder from Kansas. :o)
Just Breathe…
If I lived closer I would help you pack! LOL
Kristin
oh girl! Im praying for you…I promise Im praying!
Honey you’ve got a LOT on your plate!! don’t forget to cut yourself slack sometimes 🙂 HUGS!
**HUGS** to you! Hang in there hon! I hope things start calming down for you ASAP! Do your girls do chores with you? My 3 year old can unload and reload the silverware baskets and most of the bottom rack of the dishwasher by herself and I’ve only been training her how for about 2 months now. I just let her watch me at first and then she wanted to try an occasional fork and then some pots and pans and now she’s an old pro. It really helps me becuase we do the dishes together and then I have a cup of coffee and she has hot chocolate or we have lemonade together to treat ourselves afterwards. She looks so forward to the mommy time and seeing how eager she is to help keeps me motivated when I’ve been throwing up all day and got 45 minutes of sleep in the last 2 days (I’m pregnant). I don’t know if you have them help you with housework but I thought I’d mention it. I know for a while there I never even thought of it. I just assumed 3 was too young and didn’t think about having her do anything with me. It builds a sense of working together as a family in them, and after the initial training period it takes a little of the load off mama’s shoulders. My daughter is a book-shredding, wall coloring little handfull also and her behavior is so much better after helping me with chores for some reason. I don’t know if it would help your tot as well but it might be worth a shot if you hadn’t tried it yet. The key isn’t in the work, it’s in the fellowship of doing it WITH you. Because we know toddlers absolutely thrive on praise from their grown-ups. 😉
And I wanted to tell you that you’re amazing! You’re a great mom and you do so much and I know that many would crack under the stress you deal with. I know it won’t make you relieved or less stressed that God won’t give you anything you can’t handle, so I’ll just leave you with something that helps me when I’m having an anxiety attack sometimes. We cannot add to or take away anything by worrying about it. We cannot change anything or control it by worrying. So when bedtime comes, I find it very comforting to know that while I sleep, there’s still Someone watching over my home and family. I’m the type to lay there and go over scenarios in my mind for hours about what if one of my kids stopped breathing in their sleep would I wake up and know, or what if there was a fire or someone broke in or… So it takes a concious effort for me to pry my death-grip loose of the events of the day and the what-ifs so I can sleep and as a result I’ve had insomnia since puberty. So here are a couple verses that comfort me at the end of the day when there’s nothing left to do but keep myself awake thinking too much:
Matthew 6:25-34 (New International Version)
25″Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
28″And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Psalm 4:8 (New International Version)
8 I will lie down and sleep in peace,
for you alone, O LORD,
make me dwell in safety.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 (New International Version)
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven
This time in your life is for moving, for chasing toddlers and taking care of Ryan, and there will come a time when you reap the rewards of the labors and stresses you are dealing with now. I’m praying for you! ♥
I am so getting where your at I am at the same place and I am constantly praying for God to guard my mouth.
Sailor has had a high fever for a week now, the doctor is doing tests, and its a lot of work to get ready for a move, and entertain the kids and cook dinner, Mark has been working late this week, and tomorrow he goes to Scotland for a week. Right now I just want to hide in my room escape into a good book and take a long rest…Thats not going to happen for a good month or so. Good thing is I will have TONS of time to read on the cross country trip in two weeks….
Leighann, remember that we are always the best mother we can be at any given moment. Sometimes we wish it could be different but at that precise moment we did our very best and that is all any one (including ourselves) can ask for. You are doing a great job and I am sure that if you asked your children what they thought the perfect mom was like they would model their answer on you – their role model! The line from FInding Nemo comes to mind – “Just keep swimming!” With love from Lynda (South Africa)
Well I am so glad you took the time to vent! You needed to do that!
The pressure mounts up and then it has to release. Been there done that…many times in my life. (:>)
When there are special needs to take care of in a family on top of the usual things…it sometimes can get to be just too much.
I will be praying for you and I hope things will be a little less hectic. I can’t even imagine being in your shoes…and yet I know you do count your blessings…and hold them in your arms.
When Anna (our granddaughter) was in the hospital for nearly a month with her heart surgeries, my husband and I stayed out on their mini farm with the other kids and we were all so tense not knowing if Anna would make it or not.
There were some chores to be done each day and we got through those fine…but each time the phone would ring we would all tense up, not knowing what kind of news we would hear. Well once I just “lost it”…and let all of my emotions out…and then I was much better.
I hope this will be the case for you too Leighann. (:>)
You are such a trooper. I am glad that bloggy land gave you an avenue to vent today!
Love, Linda @ Truthful Tidbits
Hang in there chica! It is OKAY! Praying for you as I type this!!
You are more then allowed to have a bad day and complain about it. Your life isn’t always easy, you’ve had a lot going on. Hope things get better and take time for yourself!
You are doing a great job! I always admire how you juggle everything on your plate! I know you have rough days, everyone does so I think it’s perfectly fine to vent when you need to! You are doing such a great job setting an example to all of us other moms and I really appreciate you being so real. I will be praying for you guys during all the move and changes. Hang in there!
You are right. All those things will never get done until there is no one left to take care of and then you will want it all back again. You will miss the activity and the sense of well-being you feel at the end of the day when you have accomplished so much and you might have even seen the Lord work in a special way on that particular day. So count to ten, count your blessings, enjoy the squaucking of all those little ducklings because one day you will see the results of all that hard work. This is your mama speaking.
Love ya.
I love that your human. Hang in there. This to shall pass.
I love that your human. Hang in there. This to shall pass.