I was talking with a friend over the weekend, who shall remain nameless (and no, it was not Henry) who made a statement I can’t get out of my mind. He said that most women he knows that stay at home do so because they’re afraid they wouldn’t be successful in the business world. He went on to say that I might be the only woman he knows that’s a confident stay-at-home-mother.
Hmmmm… really? I’m the only woman you know who isn’t hiding behind her kids? “I think you should meet more women,” I told him.
The truth of the matter is that women stay at home and go to work for many reasons. I would venture to say that very few do either out of fear.
I remember my mom said something interesting to me when I was pregnant with Ryan about having more than two kids. She said she was surprised I went for three. She thought I’d decide I couldn’t handle more than two. I was surprised when she said it. One, it shocked me my mother would in any way doubt my capabilities as a mother. And two, that she’d actually admit it to my face! (I’m not hurt, mom, promise.)
So here I am with one friend who’s complimenting me on being a confident stay-at-home-mom and a mother who’s blindsided by my confidence at home! One who’s saying there are women who are afraid they can’t hack the work-world and another saying she thought I couldn’t hack staying at home. Let me tell you, I hope this doesn’t come across as overly confident, but I really feel I could hack any job I chose to do, if I wanted to!
And there’s the key: desire. I would hope that women are fulfilling their idea of success whether they find themselves at home or at work. If I had chosen to become a corporate mother, I would’ve taken a very different path. And if I wanted to be a corporate mother right now, I’d have to work hard and long to do what’s necessary to climb the corporate ladder. But I could do it.
My friend isn’t the only one talking about women being afraid. Sheryl Sandberg’s new book, Lean In, addresses women and fear in the work place. I’m intrigued by the media frenzy around this book and really want to read it. But so far what I understand is that Sandberg is calling on women to step up to the plate and swing hard for what we want out of life. Not to wimp out with a bunt, sacrificing one for the team. It isn’t a litany of how men are taking anything from us, or bullying us out of success. It’s how women need to learn to be confident in themselves (she had to have been a Girl Scout!) She says, “I want to be clear: I am not saying that men are too self-confident. That’s not the problem. The problem is that women aren’t self-confident enough.” While being interviewed by Renee Montagne on NPR, she said she asked herself, “What would I do if I wasn’t afraid?” and her answer was, “Speak out more on behalf of women.”
We all have insecurities, whether they keep us from success or drive us to it. But here’s what I want to know. Are you at home or work because you are afraid? And, what would you do if you weren’t afraid?
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Comments (5)
I work out of the home right now out of necessity. I would love to stay home with my munchkin! I know we could cut back and save and probably make it, but I don’t want to have our family just getting by just to stay home. For the time being, I am able to take Cyrus to work with me 3 days a week. I know this won’t last forever, but I’ll take what I can get.
I don’t pick really challenging jobs, knowing that I will be out a lot with kids and appointments, etc. I work in social work and I love helping people – always have. I feel very confident as a mom, as I’ve raised a severely special needs child and an adopted child (and then waited 12 years to have another!) Lol! I guess sometimes I don’t feel very confident in the job environment, though. I don’t work at jobs that get promotions, so there really isn’t competitiveness to climb any ladders. I just work a job I was hired to do and go about my day. I only wish the hours of work per day (8) could switch with the hours I get to see my family in the evening (usually 4). 🙁
Interesting blog. I know many stay at home moms who are very content where they are. They definitely are not afraid of making it in the work world – they have chosen to stay at home and to invest their time and energy into the work of being a mom and homemaker. And I admire them for that!!! It is a conscious choice. Anyone who is a mom knows that it is the toughest job you’ll ever have. Women who choose to stay at home (and are able to stay at home) know that they can’t be truly successful at both work an homemaking – there are tradeoffs. Although I think I am a pretty good mom, the trade-offs with my job are that dinner is often something quick & easy; less homemade cookies (they’re fattening anyway), less crafts or creative activities with my children, needing some Saturdays to catch up on housework or errands instead of playdates, and pulling clean laundry out of the laundry basket for school because I didn’t have time to fold it & put it away….and the list goes on. Being a stay at home mom is merely a different choice than working outside of the home, and again – if the mom (or dad) can stay at home and focus on being a homemaker and parent – that’s awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think you could totally do any job you tried. I respect you for staying home though ( I mean I would respect you too if you wanted to go back to work). So I guess, I should have just said I respect you hehe
Love!
It’s interesting that you pose this question now as I am about to make a major life/work change. After being a full-time SAHM with a part-time work from home position for 3 years I am transitioning to full-time out of the house work. I do have fear – but not of my abilities in the work place. My fear is that I will miss out on time with my kids.
For me, I was terrified of being a stay at home mom. I did the job thing for several years before having kids, including 10 1/2 years of service in the Army. I left the Army because it was time for me to start my family. If I was guaranteed I wouldn’t have to leave my kids for another deployment to a combat zone, I would have stayed in to retirement. I actually find being at home with my kids on a full time basis MUCH scarier than being in the military. Being at home raising kids is THE most important job in the world. If I fail at this one, I send two more ill-prepared adults into the world. We all know we don’t need that!! ha!