Dump

I don’t know where to start. It’s been weeks since I’ve sat down to write consistently. It’s almost as if my brain has maple syrup in it, making my synapses stick… before allowing the neurons to speed on to where they were intended to go. Practically I’m in “get it done” mode. Ryan goes to preschool every afternoon and Piper sleeps for about 1 hr of it… during that hour I frantically try to wade through the projects (and by projects I don’t mean fun ones!) that have piled up over the last few months. I think I’ve almost dug down to the bottom of the summer pile. Whoot! Whoot!

Meanwhile I have thoughts streaming – almost steadily – through my brain.. processing everything I’ve been confronting since early August…. well, really since the Spring. It just came on so slow, I didn’t realize the snowball until I was hit full in the face with it.

I’m realizing things about myself at such a rate that I hardly have time to process before my brain jumps to the next. I’ve forgotten half my “epiphanies”, although I do think knowing them has changed my behavior so at least I’ve got that part down.

If I had a gazillion free hours, I’d sit and journal and think and pray myself through this mess, but I don’t. I have very little time to reflect so it comes to me in waves throughout my days of laundry, dishes, errands, paperwork, and child-rearing.

Truth be told, the heaviness that was so prevalent during August has lessened a bit as the task master in me focuses on the “Okay, now that you know that, what now?”  What’s next? What should I do? That’s always been me and hasn’t changed the slightest.

The only thing keeping me sane is regular exercise, a focused few minutes each day with God and my Bible, and my kids.  Onward and upward!