A little over a week ago, I said something that hurt Henry’s feelings. Badly. It was mean and I shouldn’t have said it. We had a discussion and he ended up leaving the house to get space.
His hurt continued into Monday morning and there wasn’t much interaction between us before he left for work. There was still a lot of tension.
I was devastated I had hurt him so much. Really. I can’t stand when Henry and I are fighting, especially when it goes on so long. I spent a lot of Monday crying in my bed and sleeping. The girls were at school and Ryan was with his nurse. I wasn’t sure how, but I knew I wanted to mend the relationship and it would mean more than just apologizing for my words.
When things like this happen, it tends shut me down. I start listening to seeds of self-doubt wondering who I am to share things that work for me on this blog. Because it’s obvious I know didley squat.
And if I can’t keep my husband feeling loved, how in the world am I going to manage to raise my children without ruining them too!
The thoughts are usually a circle of self-doubt and self-pity. A deadly combination. There’s a lot of ‘what’s the use?’ ‘what now?’ ‘who the heck do I think I am?’
There’s a happy ending to our story. About 20 minutes before Henry was due to arrive home, the girls were upstairs brushing their teeth and I was crying in the kitchen. I had kindof prayed in the morning but to be honest, when I’m having such oppressive thoughts, the last thing I want to do is go to God. I think I’m almost embarrassed of myself and feel like I’ve already ruined everything so what’s the use. It’s not really logical, but it’s what I think in those times.
So I’m crying in the kitchen and I finally get to the place where I can honestly say, “Lord, what in the world am I going to do? I can’t fix this without you. I cannot be the wife I should be without you.”
As I’m praying a thought runs across my mind – “You (yes, it started with you not I) should tape notes around the house thanking Henry for everything you can think of.”
I immediately stopped crying. “That’s a fabulous idea.” I thought. “Thank you, Lord.”
I followed the advice and Henry came home to several notes taped in conspicuous locations around the first floor and four notebook pages I didn’t have time to put into notes.
Guess what? It worked. The notes softened the mood. We made up.
I tell you this to let you know that although I have some things together…. I don’t have it all together. It’s easy to read blogs and see people in their wonderful moments and think they’ve got a great life. And I do have a great life. It’s just not perfect. And I need you to know that. I hurt my husband’s feelings sometimes, he hurts mine. We yell at our kids. Not our finest moments. But we learn from them. We move on. And making up isn’t all bad. Just sayin’!
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Comments (13)
Keeping it real. That’s what I love about your blog. We are real people, with real sin and real problems. We also have really great lives and a great God. Thanks for writing about both!
Must have been something in the national water supply…tough times in the PNW on the domestic front as well over the same time.
The recurrent lessons in the Bible are about grace, standing up after falling down, despair and faith. For me, the biggest damage comes from believing there is something wrong with me and my marriage, that I am the only woman failing,when in fact the hurt and disagreements are part of the package, the real deal….just like the Bible is not a fairy tale, life/marriage/parenting aren’t either. Where do we get these crazy ideas? Who plants these seeds of unrealistic expectations? In black and white print we read over and over in the Bible disappointment and then redemption. How wonderful that you have the ability to seek and provide grace, and that your husband also is able to provide and seek grace. Thanks for sharing.
MJ
All I can say is that I love you! I cannot wait to hang out more this spring when I get back to the US and see Ryan run… hopefully he will run to me and i can hug that sweet boy 🙂
And I can I just tell you my Mac has been in the store more than out. Seriously, I must have bought the 1 lemon out there. Zach and I both hate it. it is always crashing and not working and just plain frustrating to us. *sigh* just glad ours isn’t the only one in need of help, although I am sorry for you.
hugs sweet friend
I’m holding a fussy baby and can’t write much. Just wanted to say thank you for sharing and let you know this helped me so much. Love you!
Tyra
Thanks for sharing, Leighann. You know how much I appreciate it.
Satan attacks are at an all time high these days. We are all human, we all make mistakes and we all take forgrated the things we should not. The best part is God loves us just as we are. I am happy that you made things right with Henry and with God. Hang in there.
I am glad you love birds made up. (:>) Everyone fights sometimes. Even John and I…and he is 65 and I am 60. But we make up faster than we used to when we were young.
The Grace Card is a great movie. it makes ya want to impart grace to everyone the way God does to us. It opens on February 25th. I wish everyone would go see it. it leaves a lasting impression on people and I think it will change people.
Anyhoo…I love you Leighann! Thanks for sharing this.
Linda
awesome idea. good for you for listening to what God wanted you to do to heal the relationship!
Thanks for sharing the real and the nitty gritty. You are right that we don’t often read it on blogs, but seeing it helps us be so much more realistic with ourselves. Thanks for being transparent!
no one is perfect, and the fact that you can admit your flaws, makes you more real. I mean you ARE real..but you know what I mean.
thanks for saying it…we all make mistakes. Praise God for always giving us grace and for giving you the courage and strength and not hold a grudge to do the right thing.
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I have so been there, but I love when the God moment comes out of it. I have followed your blog for awhile as I had a heart baby two years ago. My little guy is so healthy, it makes me feel for all you have been through these two years. I haven’t had to deal with it much since his surgery at six weeks. SO just hang in there and don’t beat up on yourself too much.