What if you’re not happy this Christmas?

December 24, 2015/Confessions of a SAHM

Christmas is supposed to be the most hap- happiest time of the year. But what if you don’t feel hap-happy? What if your thoughts of a perfect Christmas aren’t shaping up and without a divine miracle will not be happening, at least for the foreseeable future?

What if you thought you’d be spending it with someone who isn’t here this year… For the first time. Or the fourth time. Or the tenth.

What if you’re sitting across the table from someone who has disappointed you repeatedly for years and this time, this time you’re not sure you want to be around for the next time?

What if you face the prospect of not living to see another Christmas morning with your kids?

I remember the first Christmas after Ryan’s diagnosis. I was still pregnant and wondering what my next Christmas would hold. Would I have a precious baby boy at home or would I be laying flowers on his grave?

That first Christmas with him in the hospital I was incredibly disappointed that he wasn’t home with us. Where he belonged. Oh how I grieved that first year.

And now, almost six years later, one of my favorite memories so far is decorating the tree and hearing the kids talk about their “annual” ornaments. As he points out his ornament from that first year and asks me about it, I suddenly remember the pain.

If only I could’ve told myself that “this too shall pass.” That although I couldn’t change my grief, I could look toward the hope of things to come.

My wish for you this Christmas is that if you are hurting, that you would hold on to hope. That you would hold on to the glimpse of the better to come… Whether in a few weeks, a few months or a few years.

My thoughts are with you today and tomorrow as we celebrate the birth of One who claimed divinity and chose humility so that you could know His hope.

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(c) 2016 Leighann Marquiss