I remember right after Natalie was born I had a fear of driving over bridges. I was afraid that somehow I would lose control of the car and run off the bridge.
It didn’t matter that every bridge I drive over is huge and has cement barriers followed by steel guardrails.
Logic and reality didn’t matter to me.
After Ainsley, I was afraid of kidnappers. Not just any kidnappers. Kidnappers that worked as a team who would grab Natalie from a park-like setting and while I was running after the first, the second would swoop in and take Ainsley. I would be left with no children and a broken heart.
Anyone ever heard of a double kidnapping?
When Ryan was born…. um, yeah. There were lots of worries, this time based in reality. Will he breathe? Will his heart work? Oh yeah, and… will he live?
But rewind a little.
When I was pregnant I remember struggling with praying the words, “Lord, Ryan is yours. His life is in your hands.”
Saying that when you are carrying a healthy baby is easy. When your baby has his heart sitting outside his chest, I’m not going to lie, the words stick a little. I finally did get to the place where I was able to fully give Ryan to God.
This fear thing and my kids…. I thought I’d learned the lesson. I did. I really did.
I didn’t.
Recently, I’ve been dealing with a lot of fear. Not for me, but for my children. Fears about how they will grow up… what they will get involved in… be exposed to… WHO they will believe in.
Fear paralyzes you. And there are days where I’ve been paralyzed during the last two months.
I’ve been trying to figure myself out. Trying to analyze why I’ve been so…. sad. And I am still struggling with what is tugging at my soul. However, I know part of it is this fear for my children. I know because Monday morning when the thought came into my mind that I’d closed my fist around my children and taken on responsibility that doesn’t belong to me (although I think parents make a huge impact on my fears above), I confessed it.
I brought my children once more to God and told him they belong to him. They are His. He will get them where they need to be. There should be no fear. I am only responsible to be the parent He wants me to be and He will take care of the rest.
And now for figuring out the rest.
“Come unto me all you who are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest.”
Matthew 11:28
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Comments (11)
Beautiful post, Leighann. I don’t have kids myself but I understand a little bit where you’re coming from with fear and fully giving everything to God. I struggle bad with anxiety and have been for years. It’s an awful thing and often I have to remind myself to trust and give it to the Lord because We are His and His alone, He didn’t make us to be afraid of everything. He wants us to be happy and He’s close to our heart and that’s the best place to be. I recently found a quote I wrote on a notecard that says “always keep on keeping on, looking up and straight ahead at the eyes of Jesus (reminds me of the story of Peter at the boat when he saw Jesus at first thought maybe it was a ghost), cuz when you take your eyes off of Jesus you lose that trust and the fear comes crawling back. Never look away from Him for beyond any doubt Jesus has me close to His heart and that’s the best place to be.” Come to Me those who are weary and I’ll give you rest is one of my favorite verses. To end with Leighann, I think you’re fantastic! You do a great job being the mom that you can be to your beautiful kids, sure there’s gonna be ‘down days’ but always know that we can do our best and God does the rest. :o) Love ya!
I struggle with this too. I actually worry a lot less about Joe, because there is less to worry about. I know will grow up, go to college, get a job, move out, get married and have a family.
With Julia it’s different. She makes questionable choices, and I’m not sure she will ever move out due to her issues. I worry that she isn’t making the right choices at school or on the way home. I need to trust God more.
Hi Leighann…Thanks for this very honest post. All of us fight fear on occasion. I know that’s why the scriptures remind us that “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love, and of a sound mind.” I have to remind myself of that verse a lot.
My 11 grandkids always hear me saying “be careful!”…cuz I tend to be a worry wart. If they are climbing on something I can almost see them falling and hurting themselves…so I have to give them over to God, over, and over, and over again. Even they know that I almost always go to the worst case scenario, and they will tell me…”Grandma it will be ok…don’t worry.” I guess I need more child-like faith.
When our Anna was born with serious heart issues it filled me with fear and worry…but over the six years that she was alive I learned to rest in Him concerning her. And when she died I had to learn to rest in Him too.
With God all things are possible! All of us need to learn to trust Him more. (:>)
amen amen amen
II Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
I cling to that verse often regarding my children. If God sees the sparrows, then I know He will care for me if I only ask.
Not taking them out of God’s hands is the hardest thing and how silly is that when God is the creator of all things and the safest hands they could ever be in.
I really enjoyed reading this post and admire you for your honesty in everything, including your own faults.
My prayers are with your family always.
oh, yes, the fear. i hate how it always comes back. you’re taking it to the right place!
Nice, Leighann. Great reminder. I worry often about the horrible mistakes I seem to be making…you’re right–I’m only responsible to be the best parent I can be. God is fully aware of the rest.
God longs to carry our burdens, as long as we let Him.
Sarah
Great reminder! I have struggled with this since having all of my boys but more since Warren’s mom died so suddenly and holding our first born. Wrestling with the why’s and how’s of a loving and merciful God and his soveriegnty and how that fit into my son living and her dying when they both fell from the same height and why I couldn’t have stopped it all. I clearly saw God’s hand protect my son while at the same moment I watched my mother in law become lifeless at my feet. I have wrestled for 9 years with the control issue. Giving God control of my children, handing them over to him again and again only to take them back because the fear that maybe next time I won’t be watching my son live through the accident. Fear it is gripping at times but God’s hand is so freeing and he is patient as I wrestle with him in my fears, all of them. One thing I have learned in all these years of wrestling is that when you wrestle with someone you are close to them, you are not only holding onto them but they are holding onto you.
Wow! This really hit home hard for me. After losing my brother at the age of 27 2 yrs ago I have become paranoid to life. I constantly worry about losing my parents, husband, sisters, and of course my daughter. I have tried to tell myself a million times that there are just things beyond my control that I shouldn’t worry myself to death about, but I just can’t let go of that fear. After reading your post, it’s clear to me what I am forgetting..Thank you.
Thanks for being so real about your fear; I can identify!